Friday, November 13, 2015

It's all downhill from here

Last night at Target, after David and I hurriedly ate a quick dinner and attempted to contain our crazy children for like 5 minutes in public, which is not an easy task, a nice little old lady approached me. She admired the kids, who were temporarily clean/did not appear homeless at that moment, and rave about their behavior, since no one threw anything at anyone else during that time. She told me they are a blessing, and we are lucky to have them. These are things I know, but often forget. Then she pointed out something else, probably leftover advice from when her children were young, or something she wished someone had told her when she was a mother to young children. This will be the happiest time of your life. You might not know it now, because its so crazy, but when you look back on it you will know. This is the highlight. 

While I thanked her and she left, I was left to reflect on what she said. Its fairly true. Kids bring you joy. They are pure and innocent, they find happiness in everything. Its hard to be unhappy when your children are healthy, fed, and content. Seeing them open presents on Christmas morning, or happily hug a friend, or walk through the gates of Disneyland to see how magical it is, those are the things that show me its all worth it. We all basically feel like happy little children at Disneyland. Happy children with very, very tired feet. I know that this is the happiest time of my life, because being a mom has made me happier than anything else.

At some point, sooner than I realize, they will grow up. No one will believe in Santa anymore, I won't have to cut anyone's grapes in half because they only have 2 teeth, and the girls won't need me to braid their hair everyday. My boys won't want to hold my hand in public, I won't have to watch cartoons all the time, and everyone will wash their own hair. I will be here, and I will still be their mom, but my role will be lessened. And then what?
I have run out of babies, my last one is practically a toddler. I have run out of first holidays, and soon I will watch my little guy take his first steps. Its a happy time in my life, but its bittersweet. It has an expiration date. My days of sippy cups and diapers will end, and then I don't know what I will do with myself. Get a job I guess, but that doesn't sound appealing. I know that no matter what the next chapter of my life brings, I'm always going to look back on this part and romanticize it.
My brain will remember what it wants to. It will probably be influenced by my heart, since it has a way of telling every story to end in peacefully sleeping sweet children. No matter how hard the day is, it will always end in peacefully sleeping sweet children. You  might have to practically run a marathon to get them that way, but eventually they all sleep. Then you look at their beautiful faces and forget about every bratty thing they've ever done.
I know they will grow up, believe me. I know it all happens in a moment, that's not new information. And I am painfully aware that this will be the happiest time in my life, when I'm surrounded by loud children who drive me completely insane and then turn around and make me stare at their beautiful faces with wonder. You don't have to tell me that, I know that its basically all downhill from here. But I'm going to enjoy the view while I can.

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