Farewell to Thee

So. The school year is over. Well, like 2 weeks ago. Cue sad music. I've come to terms with it,  because hello, its been 2 weeks. But when it was fresh? I was a little emotional. It isn't that I don't like summer, even though its toasty and I feel as if I'm melting when I go outside. It is more that the beginning of summer signifies the end of a whole chapter of life. A whole year, gone with the blink of an eye.

So goodbye kindergarten, you were good to Ava.

You brought her first lost tooth, loads of new confidence, a love of reading, a few inches to her height, and a view into her future fashion sense that promises many years of fancy outfits with matching earrings. 

Kindergarten, you were gentle with my girl on her first day, she didn't even cry. You gave her lots of preschool friends in her class, and a teacher she already loved. 

You brought poems, books, field trips, concerts, Bobcat rallies, Ben's bell and Bobcat Citizen awards, and a Mother's Day flower I've already killed. RIP flower, I had good intentions. 

And when you were over, you brought tears and lots of the feelings I was avoiding. You brought some awards, some smiles, and a goodbye with a teacher that I was hoping to postpone forever. 

You brought my Ava a love of learning, an amazing teacher she will never forget, and the confidence to take on first grade. So thanks kindergarten, I'll hit you up when Witten turns 5. I can't promise he will be as well-behaved. 

As for you second grade, you were less emotional. Alana is a veteran of this whole "school thing". She is a social butterfly, loves everyone, and is forgiving to a fault. So if I had one beef with you second grade, its that your kids can be a little rough around the edges. Less caring for one another, and more prone to pointing out each other's faults. My girl doesn't know how to be mean or callous, so I wish you could've taken it easier on her. 

Second grade, why do your students have to be so growy? Why do they grow many inches, and get braces, and start to look oh so awkward? I like cute kids, this awkward business isn't cute. Do something about that please. 

Second grade, you brought strengthened friendships and the ability to see Alana's true kindness. You, or your students to be more specific, weren't always kind. But did my girl let that make her mean? Of course not. She showed everyone that even when treated unfairly, she would not turn around and do the same. So when your kids were mean, she was still nice to them. When they told her things that hurt her feelings, and in the same turn, hurt mine, she never gave up on them. She showed those exact same people kindness again and again, no matter what. Even when I almost wished she wouldn't. 

 Second grade, you brought learning, laughter, lots of math that Alana was weirdly excited about, and friendships that I hope continue for a really long time. You brought Alana's first experiences with mean kids, and I'd like to think she came out okay. She's still friendly and incapable of doubting the kindness in others, and I hope she stays like that, so let third grade know to take it easy on her. I'll catch you on the flip side, in a year or so, and please try your best to be good to Ava, or else she might have to punch you in the face. 

I Love and Hate Kindergarten

School started yesterday (insert mixed feelings emoticon here). Alana is in second grade. She is really happy that her best friend is in her class this year, and she has not cried or been anxious about school at all. Yay for us!

She also won't look reasonably normal in a picture if she thinks its bright outside, but she went to school without a problem so I choose my battles. Second grade seems really old to me. The kids are huge, and they are the same kids she has been in school with since kindergarten, I know they used to be small. What the heck happened to all of them? Where did all of their teeth go? 

I have no beef with second grade, I'm neutral on that. My problem is with kindergarten. I mean, look at what it did to Alana. 

She grew so much. I can't have that happening. She would've stayed the same size if it weren't for kindergarten. Give me my baby back kindergarten!

Yesterday I sent my sweet and emotional little girl to kindergarten. She had cried the night before. I was not looking forward to any rush of tears she might get. But instead? Ava did not cry. I still cannot believe it. She was awake at 5:30, got ready to go, and helped me make her lunch. When she got to school she hugged her teacher, who she already knew and loved from when Alana had her (thank goodness for that). When the bell rang and everybody went to their tables, she went to her seat and sat there like she was a grown woman. NO TEARS. And when I picked her up, she was happy to see me, but not like crying or anything. She cried later that night, she was basically exhausted. But this morning, she did pretty good again. She got a little weepy, but when her teacher and I both assured her she would be taken care of, she was okay. 

I don't know how Ava will do while getting used to kindergarten. She went to preschool, and she loved it, but it still started with some tears. She has friends in her class, thanks to preschool. And she loves her teacher. But I'm still nervous for her. Kindergarten takes a lot of getting used to, for everyone. I miss both of my girls, but sending Ava to school when she hasn't even turned 5 yet doesn't seem fair. Give her back to me, I need more time. 

I love how much Alana learned in kindergarten. She learned how to read, that alone is priceless. But I had to be away from her for 7 hours a day for that to happen. I hate that. Now I have to give away my little Ava, and I know she misses me. That kid is attached to me as much as possible, I know its hard for her to be at school. I hate that. But she loves having friends, and playing with other kids, and she was getting sick of just playing with Alana all summer. I still miss her though, and I know school is good for her. I clearly have mixed feelings about the subject. It gets easier, but that doesn't mean I miss her any less. They better be nice to her though, I'm the wrong pregnant person to mess with right now. Ava is sensitive and wouldn't hurt a fly, kindergarten better treat her well, or they will have me to answer to. 

I Have Mixed Feelings

School starts in 9 days. I have 9 days left of doing nothing as much as possible, of not brushing anyone's hair, of breaking up incessant fighting between my kids because they are tired of each other.

There is a part of me that is excited about school starting, about my kids getting to see their friends every day and get back into a learning environment where they aren't constantly wanting to swim or watch iCarly. That part of me knows school is good for them, and blah blah blah. The other part of me is sad. They've been home with me the whole summer, and while they play by themselves a lot of the time, they are here. I can see them, hear them, make them cookies. Alana is already going to be a second grader and she is nothing but excited. I'm wondering how this is possible when I just sent her to kindergarten. And Ava on the other hand, my baby girl who isn't even 5 yet and who cannot possibly be big enough to attend school, she is going into kindergarten. Somebody hold me.

Yesterday my kids fought over a random assortment of the dumbest stuff possible. Then they bluntly told me they are tired of each other. Okay then. Talk to me when you're crying that you miss your sister. Starting next Thursday they will be apart more often, and then we'll see how they feel about that.

The sentimental part of me that wants them to stay home mostly thinks that when they are a) asleep or b)playing nicely together. The sleep is a more common occurence, but still I will miss their noise, their personalities, Ava's squeaky little voice. Why must they leave me? Why must they fight over every game of Uno? Why must we watch iCarly 12 times a day? Why?

Ready or not, happy or sad, summer is winding down. It doesn't matter that its still hot and I still don't want to go outside, reality doesn't give a crap. Next Thursday, even if its humid or raining, I have to get up, dress my girls in the outfits they picked out especially for the first day, pack them lunches, and throw them out into the world. Ava will probably cry, Alana will probably get a little bit clingy and hold her best friend's hand like her life depends on it, and I will probably go home and watch cartoons with Witten while trying to forget I'm sad. I hate leaving them every day, but I know it gets easier. I hate that they won't be home with me all of the time, but I know they are bored and tired of each other's company. And I really hate that I probably won't take a nap with Witten every day even though I will probably have the chance too, and I don't even have a logical reason not to.