Monday, November 16, 2015

Fastest year of my life and I'm mostly not sad at all.

 This is what I looked like one year ago today. Big belly with my tiny little guy inside of it. And now, tomorrow, already, he will be one. But its okay, I'm totally okay, everything is fine. I'm not depressed at all about it. I'm not wallowing in self pity and looking at pictures and following him around trying to cuddle him while he incessantly tries to learn how to walk. EVERYTHING IS GREAT.
I'm not looking at pictures from the day he was born. Who would do that? I'm not trying to pretend that I'm not forgetting how small he was when he was born. That's crazy.
I'm not touching his hair, which is now long and a borderline mullet, trying to remember what his soft fuzzy newborn hair felt like.

I'm not thinking about how excited the girls were when we brought Liam home and how they were so obsessed they wanted to hold him ALL THE TIME. I'm not laughing about how now he pulls their hair and tries to eat whatever toys they are playing with, because he's doing his best to be a toddler.

I'm not thinking about how last year at Christmas I had a newborn and this year I have a monster toddler who is constantly trying to pull our 9-foot Christmas tree down on himself. That's the furthest thought from my mind. I don't even know why I'm bringing it up.

I'm not thinking about how I have 4 kids, not 3 kids and a baby. Cause that's a lot of kids. That's a big dinner every night and a lot of gallons of milk every week and more apples than I could keep in the house if I lived on an apple orchard.

I'm not thinking about how many opinions toddlers have. How they are basically tiny dictators who protest about everything they disagree with. None of that matters, since I'm not thinking about it.
I'm not thinking about how Liam is great at finding things on the floor to eat, and even though I vacuum A LOT he is the 4th kid so everyone else leaves plenty of things on the floor for him to find.
It hasn't even crossed my mind that we have run out of "first" holidays. No more of those for Liam. He doesn't really care for occasions where his mom dresses him up as a skunk anyway. Those are lame.

I am not thinking about how fast he has grown, or the curve of his sweet fat cheeks, or how in another year he will look completely different, with the loss of his knuckle dimples and baby curves. Those things have not occured to me, I'm not bothered by this at all. I'm fine. Really. I haven't even thought about how this was the fastest year of my life, and even though I tried to savor every moment, life is crazy busy and everything went by without me even getting the chance to stop and look around. I'm not extremely sad about how his face lights up when he sees me, and how someday he won't do that anymore because I won't always be the center of his world. So if anyone sees me, remember I'm not completely depressed and crying, or wallowing in self pity. Nope, none of those things. I'M FINE.

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails