After writing my last blog and remembering random things about my life I kind of realized all of the things that we tend to remember are sometimes so totally random. I can't for the life of me remember what it was like to hold Alana when she was Ava's size. But I can remember my phone number from when I was in fifth grade and live in Tucson. 795-4872. And my address? 4626 E. 15th street. I remember the name of my 2nd grade teacher, but I cannot name a single one of my classmates.
I can recall our dog Lady having seizures, but can't remember ever having played with that same dog. I remember when my cousin Alissa dared me and Rhonda to eat the weird prickly pears growing on the cactus in her yard, but I can't remember if either of us actually did. (I'm pretty sure I didn't). I remember begging to stay the night in Catalina, because it was awesome, but then being kind of homesick in the middle of the night.
When I was in kindergarten in Illinois I remember going down to the basement of our apartment complex when there was a tornado warning. I would bring toys and random crap down there with me, like that was all I needed to salvage if there ever was an actual tornado. Once while we were on vacation in Missouri there was an actual tornado. It broke the windshield of our suburban and flattened a shed. Then Nathan walked through the rubble left behind from the shed, even though he was told not to and he stepped on a nail. Then he got Dairy Queen along with his tetanus shot. There is no justice in this world.
I remember defending Janette's honor in algebra in 8th grade, because Mr. Bryant made her cry. I called him a male chauvinist pig. But I can't remember what he said to make her cry in the first place. I remember when Mrs. Smith got hit in the face with a wiffle ball during P.E., so we all laughed, then we all got in trouble.
In high school I remember the junior and senior boys seeming like they were all 6 feet tall, because I was a puny little freshmen. I was probably like 5'4", 90 lbs, but they seemed like giants to me. Just going into the breezeway to go to the soda machine was intimidating. Then when I was a senior, all of the freshman seemed tiny, even though I'd only grown a few inches and about 5 lbs.
I remember when Kendi wiped her face with a booger washcloth during halftime of an away football game, and Ami and I just watched and tried to contain her laughter. Probably wasn't the nicest thing I've ever done, but it could've been worse. I also remember standing there in my cheerleading uniform, the first time I tried it on, thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Cheerleading brought me out of my shell a little bit, so I could actually act like the crazy person that I am.
I remember having a permanent smile on my face during graduation, then at some point I realized I would probably not see most of those people again. I had gone to school with most of them for 6 years, but that was the last time we would all be together. Or during eighth grade graduation, when we were paired by height to who we would walk with, I remember just hoping it wasn't Nathaniel Arters. I know that's mean too, but I couldn't help it.
I hope I can hold on to a lot of the memories of my ladies the way I can hold on to my memories. It almost seems sometimes that by the time they get to the next stage we've already forgetten the previous one. When they are born and they are so small its always amazing, because we forget how small they start out. Then before we know it they are 10 lbs, then 15, then they can crawl and roll over and sit up, then they're 20 lbs and they can walk. What happened to that tiny little girl who just slept no matter who was holding her? Who didn't even fit into newborn clothes, designed for little people who only weigh 5-8 lbs?
We do have a little bit of selective memory when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth too. If we really remember how nauseous we felt during the first trimester, how hot we were the whole month of August, we probably wouldn't have any more kids. If we remembered how crappy contractions really are, how anxious we feel leading up to our due date, wondering when we will get to meet our newest lady, we would probably stop at one. I'm lucky when it comes to pregnancy, I don't get swollen ankles, I only gain 25 lbs, I'm only nauseous till about 20 weeks and I never throw up (knock on wood). But even if I suffered the whole time I probably wouldn't remember.
Not that you forget everything, it just gets a little fuzzy. I just hope to remember how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant, how I texted David to tell him the news with Alana, after I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom at work. How David thought it would be funny to tell me my test with Ava was negative, when it obviously wasn't. Ha ha. How happy I was to hold each of them for the first time. I hope my memory holds onto the good ones.