I Have Mixed Feelings

School starts in 9 days. I have 9 days left of doing nothing as much as possible, of not brushing anyone's hair, of breaking up incessant fighting between my kids because they are tired of each other.

There is a part of me that is excited about school starting, about my kids getting to see their friends every day and get back into a learning environment where they aren't constantly wanting to swim or watch iCarly. That part of me knows school is good for them, and blah blah blah. The other part of me is sad. They've been home with me the whole summer, and while they play by themselves a lot of the time, they are here. I can see them, hear them, make them cookies. Alana is already going to be a second grader and she is nothing but excited. I'm wondering how this is possible when I just sent her to kindergarten. And Ava on the other hand, my baby girl who isn't even 5 yet and who cannot possibly be big enough to attend school, she is going into kindergarten. Somebody hold me.

Yesterday my kids fought over a random assortment of the dumbest stuff possible. Then they bluntly told me they are tired of each other. Okay then. Talk to me when you're crying that you miss your sister. Starting next Thursday they will be apart more often, and then we'll see how they feel about that.

The sentimental part of me that wants them to stay home mostly thinks that when they are a) asleep or b)playing nicely together. The sleep is a more common occurence, but still I will miss their noise, their personalities, Ava's squeaky little voice. Why must they leave me? Why must they fight over every game of Uno? Why must we watch iCarly 12 times a day? Why?

Ready or not, happy or sad, summer is winding down. It doesn't matter that its still hot and I still don't want to go outside, reality doesn't give a crap. Next Thursday, even if its humid or raining, I have to get up, dress my girls in the outfits they picked out especially for the first day, pack them lunches, and throw them out into the world. Ava will probably cry, Alana will probably get a little bit clingy and hold her best friend's hand like her life depends on it, and I will probably go home and watch cartoons with Witten while trying to forget I'm sad. I hate leaving them every day, but I know it gets easier. I hate that they won't be home with me all of the time, but I know they are bored and tired of each other's company. And I really hate that I probably won't take a nap with Witten every day even though I will probably have the chance too, and I don't even have a logical reason not to.