Tuesday, September 30, 2014

When you get to 4

For every well meaning comment to me in public about how I must have my hands full with my 3 kids and pregnant belly, I'm sure there are at least 2 people thinking Don't you have enough kids already? because clearly its their job in life to tell me how many kids I should be allowed to have in my family. Throw in the Don't you know how that happens? and the Tell your husband to leave you alone already comments and sometimes I am quite tempted to just slap someone. Luckily for these people I don't like to be in the grocery store longer than necessary, so I ignore them. 

By the time you get to your 4th kid, pretty much everyone has an opinion. They think you have enough kids, you don't need another one. They ask how you are going to afford another kid, like its their business. They scoff at the idea of another baby shower, because shouldn't every baby just wear its big brother's clothes which don't exist because I got rid of them and would've been seasonally inappropriate anyway. Everyone asks if you're done having kids, even though I thought I was done after the 3rd. They write you off and act like a 4th kid doesn't deserve just as much love and gratitude as a 1st kid. And you know what? That's not true. When did everyone decide that we should have small families? Because I didn't get the memo. 

I happen to live in an area where a lot of people have more than the average of 2 kids. And still there are so many people who judge families who decide to have more than that. People who look at me wide eyed in the grocery store, wondering if I'm crazy. Like its irresponsible to have 4 kids. Like I couldn't possibly want to have more kids, its probably some crazy religious thing and I'm like the people on 19 Kids and Counting. Honestly, I don't think 4 kids is that many. I know a ton of people with more than 4 kids, and I don't go around asking them if they're done having kids, or if they have their hands full. They probably do have their hands full, because having kids is a lot of work. But if you ask any parent if its worth it, they will say yes. 

I am way too pregnant for people to be inserting their rude opinion into my day. I didn't realize it was socially acceptable to say whatever you want to a pregnant woman. Its actually kind of dangerous. You really want to ask me how much I weigh/how much weight I've gained? You think that's a good idea? Then you want to comment that I look tired? Of course I'm tired, every parent is tired. Its pretty much something you deal with because its the trade-off for having lots of kids and lots of love. You want to know if I'm done being pregnant. That's a tricky one, because I'm not the kind of person who will ever complain about being pregnant. I'm lucky to be able to have the chance to add one more person to our family. But am I always physically comfortable? Probably not. Am I going to share the details of this with you? Not likely. So don't ask me How are you feeling? because I'm going to tell you I'm fine whether I am or not. 

At some point everyone should just listen to what all of their mothers probably told them when they were little, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" because honesty is not the best policy if your honest opinion is rude. Let's all just take a few seconds before we speak and think about whether or not what you are saying is appropriate and whether or not it will get you punched. And eventually, if you keep speaking your mind to pregnant women, you will end up with a black eye. 

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails