Monday, November 5, 2012

I Don't Negotiate with Terrorists

***I wrote this post about 2 weeks ago and have seriously debated putting it on here, but in the interest of keeping it real I am posting it anyway. And since I wrote this things have improved greatly, I just take her to the office every morning and she is BFFs with the secretary, who walks her to class. I owe this secretary about $1 million now because she has saved me so much anxiety with having to drag my stubborn child to school. She offered to take Alana to class everyday, so who am I to turn her down.

Remember how I was all sad when Alana first went to kindergarten and I missed her and wanted her to come home? Yeah, I changed my mind. Sure I still miss her, but she is learning things and my house is way quieter without my kids fighting about stuff nonstop. Kindergarten is good, I recommend it.

Also: remember how they say be careful what you wish for? As of yesterday Alana thinks staying home is a better option. Two days in a row I got her dressed, brushed her hair, took her to school. Then after playing with her friends she made a last second decision: I must go home. I will cry and feign sickness. Good plan. Thumbs up me! Then I will run in the opposite direction and my mommy is not physically strong enough to drag me into the classroom. Ha!

The number one thing you need to know about Alana is that she is as stubborn as a mule. If she does not want to do something, good luck getting her to do it. I realistically cannot drag her into her class, its really far from the parking lot. Reasoning with her does not work, kindergarteners defy logic. Threatening her doesn't work, she is the queen of non-chalant. Bribing her doesn't work, and it kind of sends the wrong message.

Yesterday we thought she might not feel very good and it was a half day, so she stayed home. But she wasn't sick. Instead she was bratty, stubborn, and obstinate. She fought with Ava and tried arguing with me. Then one hour after school started she said she wanted to go, but we had no car at home to take her. So she was mad again. Women, you really can't please them, no matter what you do.

Today I was optimistic. She ate breakfast, got dressed, went to school. But when the kids lined up she freaked out. She bolted, not even bothering to get her backpack. I gave her backpack to her teacher and vowed my child would return. I told Alana I would not take her home. I just had to call in backup. We got her Daddy.

After some convincing we took her back to the school. She was on board with this plan. She was happy, smiling. I signed her in at the office, then walked her to her class, which is a long walk. Five feet from the door she changed her mind and ran in the opposite direction. We ended up back in the car and I was not happy about it.

David had to go to work so we tried a new plan. Take Ava and Witten to his mom's house so I could walk Alana to her class, again. She got out of the car and wanted to stay at David's parents house. I had to force her back into the car and I just took the other kids with me, that plan was cancelled. The theory of complete separation anxiety went out the window right then, because she wanted to stay there and play. Traitor.

I still refused to take her home. She was going to school, I don't care what I have to do. This is happening. I'm gonna win this argument kid, give in. So we picked up David, who had been at work for 30 minutes. I needed more backup. We tried to take away priveleges, even Trick or Treating, but this stubborn kid didn't care. Then I said I would come back and eat lunch with her, which was both a good and bad idea. The stubborn kid agreed. We took her to school, walked her to her class, she willingly stayed and waved goodbye. Why was that so difficult?

But I had said that I would return. Crap. One hour later I met her in the cafeteria. She was happy and playing with her friends and they sang me numerous off key songs in their squeaky little girl voices. I wanted to leave after that, but she pleaded that I stay for recess. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I did it anyway. Just stay until the bell rings, then you can go. I'll stay here at school. LIES! As soon as the whistle blew she said I don't feel good. I'm tired. I want to go home. You're not fooling me kid. I invented faking sick, and I was way better at it than you.

I tried to casually walk away, but that was a no-go. Not gonna happen. She ran, but quickly cornered herself. Her teacher gave me the signal, the all-clear. She would deal with it. I hid in the office leaving my daughter's poor underpaid teacher to deal with my bratty kid. Then I waited till her class was gone to leave so I didn't risk her seeing me again.

A little while later my phone rang, and it was Alana's teacher. I thought for sure she was calling to say come get your hysterical crying kid. But Alana had relented and willingly walked to her classroom with her teacher. Her hostage negotiation skills must be better than mine. I can't get that kid to do anything.

Alana has had difficult phases before, all kids have them. You just have to outlast them. I can see that right now, when my house is quiet and I'm not trying to drag a six year old into her school and not look like the worst parent ever and have CPS called on me. But in the moment, when she is running away and I have to chase her down, I am pissed off. I want to take up boxing so I have something to punch. This kid is not only going to drive me to drinking, she is going to escort me into a bar and buy me a couple of rounds.

I don't know how long I'm going to have to force her to stay at school, but I'm not giving in. I don't get why she willingly went everyday for the past three months, then on a random Wednesday decided Who needs to learn to read anyway? That's for nerds. I WILL NOT negotiate with my little terrorists. Sorry Alana, but its my way or the highway. You are going to school, and you're gonna like it.


CatDee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CatDee said...

You're not alone..i so hated that :when-we-get-to-school-i-will-pull-any-card-to-go-back-home-with-you-and-i-don't-care-if-you've-already-made-plans-or-that-i-was-absolutely-fine-2-secs-ago-phase..

Amy and Luke said...

Is there a reason? Could she be getting picked on, etc? Just a thought- thought that's where this post was going..... Hope it gets better

Heather said...

Oh man. How frustrating for all involved. I hope it resolves soon and school life gets happy and fun again for both of you. Good for you for sticking to your guns! You know, since school is kinda nonnegotiable... :)

Brian and Janette said...

Ah kids...can't live with 'em and you can't shoot 'em! :) j/k... We haven't had to deal with this phase yet, but believe me when I say I can empathize with the stubborn child bit. You are right...phases come and go. I just hope we can both make it out alive with some of these phases. :)

The Crump Family said...

I so know where you are coming from!! I am really surprised that we didn't get CPS called on us. Because I did drag my 3rd grader into school kicking and screaming. Sometimes I even carried him in without his shoes on. He thought that if he didn't put his shoes on he wouldn't have to go in. Things are finally better for us though, and what a relief! We did this from the end of February last year to the end of the school year in June EVERY-SINGLE-DAY!!! He even refused to get dressed or eat so we would just put his clothes ina bag every morning, put him in the truck and tell him we would carry him into school naked if we had to. As he could see we were approaching the school he would get dressed. We even got used to this weird routine! It was some awful days! I hope to never go through it again. I have lots of sympathy for you, hope this doesn't happen anymore for you!!

Jennifer said...

Nicole told me your story and I am certainly glad that my case isn't as severe! She is a headstrong kid, but that that headstrong!

She is still kind of fighting me a little bit, and its not that she doesn't want to go, I think she just gets a little anxious when we get there. I take her straight to the office and leave her with the secretary, who is my personal savior. But she still asks me everyday if I can come have lunch with her, which realistically I cannot do everyday. Its gotten better, its just not quite as easy as before. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for easy days.


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