The "Shower" Part is Not Literal

Whenever I think of a baby shower I am reminded of my nephew inquiring about who was going to bring the towels before we attended one a few years ago. In his mind we were going to actually shower, he just wanted to know if they provided the towels. Ava had similar concerns about our baby shower. They were in the nature of How is everyone going to fit in our bathtub? I assured her there was no actual shower and its not at our house, so space is not an issue.

The thing about baby showers is that I have mixed feelings about them. Even if it is my own, I don't particularly want to attend. I'll go, but I'm not wrapping toilet paper around anyone's belly.

I'm the kind of person that baby registries were invented for. I'm not picky, I'm particular. If you are wise you will buy something off of the list, unless you really know me well enough to get something I like. I made that list for a reason, even if it was David scanning every blanket in Target with that little gun. We are gonna have like 50 blankets for a summer baby. He will definitely be warm and it will be because of David and his obsessive blanket scanning.

Seriously though, the idea of a registry is great, but it is kind of like a list to Santa Claus. Its a suggestion. Santa is gonna bring whatever he wants to bring, even if you just want a bicycle or a Bumbo seat. At the end of the shower if you don't have what you want you better hope someone gave you a giftcard like one of my awesome friends does every time or you are buying that crap yourself.

My baby shower for this little guy is tomorrow and while I'm sort of excited, I'm also sort of dreadful because I hate opening presents in front of an audience. That's why I'm bringing my husband, he can serve a purpose. The purpose of opening presents and bending over to pick up stuff I've dropped and gifts on the floor. We won't tell anyone that the party is co-ed because he wanted it like that so he could go. And that all of the Dallas Cowboys balloons were his idea. I think they'll figure that part out themselves. They should make it more like weddings, where you open the gifts after everyone has left. Although there would be significantly less utterings of the word cute and precious and adorable I think that I could make that sacrifice.

Either way I can't get out of going to my own baby shower. The only excuse I can come up with is going into labor, and that would probably be more work than attending a party. Plus I don't think all of the Eegee's and cookies will get eaten by me if I'm in the hospital. So I'll just keep everything the way it is, attend my own baby shower, have my baby closer to his due date, and suffer through opening presents in front of people. But I draw the line at games where people wrap toilet paper around my belly and inevitably overestimate cause they assume I'm huge. That is a no-win situation.


****Post edit: My baby shower was actually fun, no one tried to wrap toilet paper around me, and we got lots of useful things and lots of gift cards, which could be my favorite thing ever because they are like a free invitation to Target. So baby showers aren't so bad, mostly.