The Debate Team

Nuh-uh. Yes-huh. Nuh-uh. Yes-huh. Nuh-uh. YES-HUH.

That is a typical conversation between my children. They have formed a debate team and appointed themselves on opposite sides of it. Whatever one says, the other disagrees with. And they both have to have the last word, especially Ava.

Sometimes it starts with something small, like Ava making a statement that is clearly wrong, everyone knows it, but she will never admit it, and of course because Alana is older and wiser SHE MUST correct her or the world as we know it will end forever. What? Ava says the curtains in your room are purple when they are clearly pink? You must fight to the death over this very important serious issue!

Although a small part of my nature always wants to be right, my kids inherited this trait from David more than myself. This is correct and do not dare to disagree. Alana must correct every falsehood and Ava must never be corrected under any circumstances ever in the universe including immediate death and/or dismemberment. Ava must also have the last word, in every discussion.

Ava's opinion is fact, it cannot be disproved. Boys are stinky, girls are pretty. No questions asked. Alana is ugly, but only when Ava deems it to be so. Never any room for interpretation. Ava's butt is always nice, never stinky, and this issue is always concrete. HER BUTT IS ALWAYS NICE! Winnie the Pooh is a cinematic masterpiece and should've won Best Picture, not just this year but every year from now on because a greater film will never be made. You must not disagree! It is not allowed.

This incessant arguing drives me crazy. I want earplugs. Maybe some type of remote controlled shock collar for both of them, and an extra for David when he is annoying, so they will shut up. I tell Alana just to ignore Ava, because her correcting/disagreeing with her is the start of every fight. But I cannot. I don't have it in me. Their fighting is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Even one nanosecond of it is so very very annoying.

I know sibling rivalries and stupid arguments are not going to end. I've fought with my siblings over every stupid thing imaginable, like cleaning the bathroom cause Dad left me in charge and you better do it cause I said and I'm the oldest and I always get that stupid "You're older you should know better" lecture when you are bratty. Now I'm the one giving the stupid "You're older you should know better" lecture, because well Alana is 5 and doesn't need to argue with a confrontational two year old.

No matter what I do or say fights will happen. Maybe I should just invest in boxing gloves, but then someone will end up crying and I'll have to comfort them. Or explain a black eye to people. Both sound like too much trouble.