Friday, September 30, 2011

Forever is Kind of a Long Time

Whenever I hear the news that a couple I know is getting divorced, I always ask the same question. Why? You can't ever really explain the why without the what when where when how. There may not even be a solid good, real reason for the divorce. They call that irreconcible differences. Whatever that means.

It's hard to know the motivation behind events that take place in someone else's relationship. Who knows what makes someone cheat or lie or drink or be abusive or just want out. We all wonder what big cataclysmic event caused a divorce, but it was more likely a chain of small happenings, that all added up, piled on to the huge mountain of resentment that accumulates in a marriage, and that crazy equation of dysfunction ended up equalling the end.

The truth is marriage is a funny relationship. It stands alone in that it takes more work, and its not necessarily unconditional. With your children, you always love them no matter what. You can easily overlook their flaws, cause you made them and their cuteness typically helps. With family, you didn't pick them, but you're essentially stuck with them. You can't divorce your parents or siblings, but you don't have to live with them either. No matter what your parents are your parents, your siblings are your siblings, and your family is your family.

The only relationship you can reverse is marriage. It doesn't have to be a unanimous decision. Not everyone is always on board. Both parties can be at fault or one party can be at fault. One day your spouse can just say Hey I'm sick of this let's call it quits and what are you gonna do? There's no going back from that.

You can put everything you have into something, but there's still no guarantee you're gonna get anything out of it. That's the risk of love, you don't get your money back.

In spite of the risk I'm still willing to be a wife, cause this is the only functional relationship I've ever been in. I got married cause it offers stability. Its a contract that I will pick up David's shoes off the floor and begrudgingly pretend to care about the Cowboys if he will put up with my occasional moodiness. That's the only flaw I could think of, otherwise I'm just peaches to live with. Marriage to me is work, but that work means I don't have to worry that one day it will just end, cause I don't really care for breakups. They're terrible. They suck. They bite. I got married to avoid them for the rest of my life.

In some cases divorce is probably the healthier option. Kids shouldn't be around excessive amounts of dysfunction, medium is probably their limit in order to not end up on Intervention. That is my main goal as a parent, just to keep my kids from being so screwed up by my actions that they end up as some crackhead who can't deal with their feelings and goes on TV all crazy. If I achieve nothing else in life, I will still consider myself a success if I can do that one thing.

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