The majority of my brain is dominated by my sweet tooth. The part that normal people have that thinks about practical stuff like finances, the weather, what shoes are appropriate to wear into the rain, in my brain that part thinks about pie. The part that some people have that gets all existential and thinks about God, heaven, where we go when we die, reincarnation, in my brain that part is reserved solely for thoughts about York Peppermint Patties. The part of the brain in some people that thinks about the future, climate change, greenhouse gasses, the ozone, in my brain I'm busy thinking about soft serve ice cream. The part of my brain that would plan out what I'm making for dinner, what would be appropriate to serve for a meal, how many servings of fruits and vegetables I've eaten that day, that part is wondering whether I've got enough butter to make chocolate chip cookies. And if I do, I make them.
As a kid I can recall having my thoughts occasionally consumed by fantasies of candy. When I would get this candy, it was a dream come true. It didn't even matter if it was a candy I didn't like, I still ate it. I would suck the chocolate off of Raisinettes, just because I was unwilling to waste candy. I would behave through the entire grocery store, in anticipation of the checkout line where candy was waiting for me, begging me to take it home and eat it. Then when I asked, my behavior couldn't be the reason I was told no. I rarely got candy or sweets when I was a kid, so when I did it was a treat.
As an adult, my circumstances are different. I stay home all day, with 24 hour access to the pantry. If I want a candy bar, I can go to the store to get it. If I want cookies, I have the ingredients to make them. This availability is not good for me, because my willpower is poor at best. Ask the bag of chocolate chips I bought Wednesday about my willpower, oh wait, you can't, cause I ate them all.
I need to go on a diet. Not a strict, no carbs no fat no fun diet. Just a no entire batches of cookies, shared only with Ava diet. Its not even that I need to diet really. I just need to have more willpower.
It will probably help to get out of the house more, because then I won't be sitting next to the open pantry, wondering what I can bake. Without food at my fingertips, I won't feel the need to eat it all the time. Except I have hours of homework to do, and the computer is right next to the pantry. That 72 oz bag of chocolate chips I bought at Costco isn't helping any. Stupid bag of chocolate chips. This is all it's fault.
In reality, I will never be the girl who orders salad at a restaurant. I just don't have it in me. That doesn't mean I have to eat an entire batch of cookies, but I probably will because no one is here to stop me.