Professional Patience Testers

These two monsters have an impressive resume when it comes to trouble making. They can unroll a whole roll of toilet paper, then color on it with a purple marker. At least it wasn't brown. They can empty out an entire cupboard of books, then fall on one and cry about it. They can refuse to eat dinner, then claim starvation two hours later. Ava frequently cries for me to go sit with her in the living room, then gets up when I sit down and leaves to go play. Alana asks me to read her a long book about the Little Mermaid, then I look up and she's watching the TV.

Sometimes I wonder if I have an unusually low amount of patience some days. If waking up on the wrong side of the bed is a real thing. Hiding in the closet seems like a good option. Dora's voice is burned into my brain and haunts my dreams.

I dream of five minutes of quiet, but when my kids nap I'm kind of bored. They leave and I don't change the channel from Spongebob. They are part of me, and without them I'm lost. If I have to wipe boogers from little faces everyday for the rest of my life its worth it, if I just get one hug a day from each of the little monsters.

Motherhood can consume you. You lose yourself in it. You ponder the last time you showered. You don't know what day of the week it is. You get excited when a new episode of Max & Ruby comes on, because you're so sick of the old ones. Wearing non-elastic pants seems like a special occasion.

Personal hygiene is a vague concept. Last week I felt accomplished because I washed my hair everyday. This week I'm doing good too, with the exception of Monday. Virtual high five. I deliberately keep my hair short enough that a ponytail isn't an option, because it ends up being the only option.

I wouldn't trade my girls for daily showers. I wouldn't want to watch different crap on daytime television. Nick Jr is fine. I wouldn't want to do laundry without a few pairs of princess underwear thrown in. I'm only mildly sick of watching Megamind. I'd seriously consider a life without Dora, but it wouldn't be worth it.

I just need to find my extra patience storage. Maybe buy some in bulk at Costco. See if there are any good deals on Craigslist or Ebay. Borrow some from a patient friend.

Once in a while I just need to step back and remind myself why I do the things I do. When I want to scream instead of calmly explaining why we don't stand in the open box of Otter Pops, why we shouldn't try to stand on the seat of a bike, why seatbelts can't be unbuckled mid-road, why biting your sister over a barbie disagreement is a bad idea, why Playdoh doesn't go in your nose or anyone else's, I should instead take a breath, count to ten, and ponder this ridiculously long run-on sentence.

I don't want to be a grouch. I want to hug my kids everyday. I am who I am because of them.