Thursday, October 14, 2010

I'm a Bad Friend

Sometimes I find myself wondering why I don't have tons of friends. Its not that I don't have any friends. I have lots of friends that I never see. Its just that I'm kind of a bad friend.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a horrible-stab-you-in-the-back borrow-your-clothes-and-never-return-them talk-crap-about-you just-be-a-horrible-person-in-general kind of friend. Its just that I make absolutely no effort to stay in touch with people. I don't write. I don't call. I don't send flowers

I am, in general, a lazy friend. I never call people and say Hey whats up lets go somewhere! I just don't. That would require effort. So when I'm sitting at home doing my homework by myself wondering why I never go anywhere with anyone besides David or my kids, there's my answer.

In school I was always a one-friend kind of girl. Seriously people. One friend. Kindergarten. One friend. Camille Somethingoranother. First grade. Jennifer Whatsherface. Second grade. My cousin Rhonda. Third grade. Stephanie Icantremember. Fourth grade. Still Stephanie Icantremember. Fifth grade. Joelle Someoneicouldntpickoutofalineup. You get the picture.

Then I moved to St. David in seventh grade. Once again, no friends. The only person who talked to me for weeks was my stepsister Melissa.  Before school, I sat with Melissa. At lunch, I sat with Melissa. After school, I got on the bus with Melissa. That was pretty much it. Then she made a friend. I was left alone.

Eighth grade rolled around and I was still relatively friendless. Finally there was a new student, who wasn't so new but had been homeschooled so everyone else knew her. Yay for me! I had a friend! Yay for Krystal Whoslastnameicanrememberbutwontdisclose!

Around high school my one-friendedness translated to something different. I would have a boyfriend and only hang out with him. I'd ditch everyone else to spend every moment with just one person. Then when that was over, cause lets face it high school relationships are mostly temporary, I'd have no one to talk to. Then I'd have to crawl back to any friends I still had left.

Its not that I didn't want to have a big group of friends, but in high school I was still a little shy and not really that sure of myself. The idea of talking to someone I didn't know that well was foreign to me. It wasn't gonna happen. Not in a million years.

Once I grew up a little bit and entered the real world of working, I made some friends. They were partly friends of convenience, because I saw them everyday. When I saw them everyday I could then make plans to do stuff outside of work. No additional effort required. I made good friends just from my crappy job at Wendy's. I can thank the high turnover rate for that, since there were always new people coming in.

Now I stay at home full time. I'm in friend limbo. I have friends, but I don't ever call them. I do chat on Facebook, but that doesn't really count as real adult conversation if I have to stop to wipe someone's butt. I don't really meet anyone new. Where would I meet them? My living room? I'm just lazy. And kind of a bad friend.


we hate you. love, us said...

I know what you mean. I have some friends that I'm TERRIBLE at keeping in touch with. I used to be a big talk on the phone kind of person and somewhere along the way I just stopped. And I don't know why.

Holley said...

I feel like you just told my friend life story. For real. One friend at a time, in each situation.
And when I had a boyfriend i was the same way.
I'm trying to find friends, because I'm really tired of hanging out by myself or just husband and family.
So I feel you on all this. :)

Kerri said...

I've had this conversation with my sister many times. For me, it was so much easier to make friends when I was a kid. Maybe because you're stuck with the same people all day long in school. But I still have the same group of friends now that I did in elementary school. That sounds sweet, right? The problem is that I live in another state now and never see them. Making friends as an adult has been a different story, especially after I quit working. I, too, am a very lazy friend who's terrible about calling (and answering my phone!). I have found it a tad easier to bond with other moms in the neighborhood now that I'm a mom myself. Before then, it was like I had nothing in common with these women. Now I've written a pointless novel. I'll be your friend. ;)

The Mrs. said...

uhhh, facebook is where its at for us stay at home moms. I talk, and connect with EVERYBODY through there. If I can't find my cell, more often than you'd think, I facebook the hubs (at work) to call it.

I'm friends with one neighbor, and I have friends, that I've made since moving here, only because of my daughters... Nice huh... I don't know how to do it on my own! :-(

jack!e said...

I can relate. I hate talking on the phone and all that "friend" stuff. I still have some of my friends from high school and church, but sometimes its just easier to stay at home with the hubs. I guess I am a bad friend, too. =]

NikkiDarlin' said...

i know the feeling. im a stay at home mom who doesn't drive so i never get out to make friends. yea i do the facebook thing too. its like now that i have a baby and a husband i have nothing in command with my high school anymore.

JMay said...

Totally understandable, we've all been there! I find that Skype helps!


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