Don't Kid Yourself

When I first got pregnant with Alana I didn't know how much my life would change. I thought it would be mostly the same, just with a baby. I thought I could stay cool. I was so naive.

Once you become a parent everything in your life is different.

Enjoy going to the movies? Get ready to see every animated movie ever. The last movie I saw was Jackass 3D. I do realize that's not a kids movie. But before that we saw at least five kids movies in a row. Shrek 4, Toy Story 3, The Squeakquel, How to Train Your Dragon, Despicable Me. No live action movies for us.

Enjoy privacy? Sorry. A little person, then maybe even two, will be chaperoning your trips to the bathroom from now on. At home and in public. Sometimes, just for kicks, they'll try to open the stall door before you pull up your pants. Hilarious when it happens to someone else, not amusing when it happens to me. Potty breaks aren't the only time they'll join you either. Everytime I take a bath Ava joins me. My relaxing bath is full of floating fish and crab bath toys.

Think you'll still be cool? Seriously, no matter how cool you dress or act you slowly lose cool points each year you're a parent. You will know all the songs to all the cartoons, so that you find yourself singing them when your kids aren't even awake. You will play hide-and-seek with a four year old who's not that great at hiding, then fall down in your hiding place. That may have happened to me today. You will cut stuff out of construction paper. You will blow on food in public to cool it down. Still unsure whether that even really works. You will have Cheeto handprints on your pants, when you don't even eat Cheetos.

Even if you think you can maintain a shred of your coolness, you're wrong. Its easy to be cool to your toddler or pre-schooler. They think you're awesome no matter what. But when that kid gets older, they will roll their eyes at stuff you say. They will wonder What is she wearing? They will criticize your cooking/hair/music/clothes/driving/grammar/taste in everything. They will be embarassed by you. Its really a losing battle. May as well get out the mom jeans and start wearing sweaters decorated for the season. You know, the ones with Christmas trees and Santa Claus on them.

You will even start to question whether or not you were actually cool to begin with. You look at old pictures and think What is with my hair? That shirt is so ugly. You will rethink your actions. Maybe cutting stuff out of construction paper is cool. Going to see every cartoon at the theater is fun. But I enjoy shopping at Toys-R-Us. Macaroni and cheese isn't that bad. (I actually hate macaroni and cheese). Spongebob isn't that annoying, I could sit through another episode. Going to Disneyland every year for vacation is fun!

As you slowly lose your coolness you don't even realize it. Its a gradual transition. Moms with young kids and babies usually still look stylish. They put some effort into their appearance. Dress with current trends. But in some cases style doesn't evolve over the years. By the time your kids are in high school you're so out of touch with what's in style you're ready to be nominated for What Not to Wear. You still wear the same clothes you did ten years ago, with no concern for the fact that they are majorly outdated. Shoulder pads are cool, right?

By the time you've been a mom for awhile everything is so different you won't even remember what is was like before you had little people ruling your home with an iron fist. You will no longer even be concerned with coolness. Its a foreign concept to you. Till oneday your teenager comes out of their room and you think What are you wearing? And what's with your hair? And that music you listen to? Horrible.