Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Thin Line Between Love and Fake

***I've been trying to finish this post for over a week, but struggled because I didn't want the tone to be...off. Hopefully this came out the way I intended. 

The tricky thing about keeping it real is this: sometimes there are people who challenge that. It isn't humanly possible to like every single person ever even if you are the nicest person in the world. I mean, everyone probably likes me because I'm awesome, but I'm above average. I want to be nice to people, its not realistic to act like a catty high school girl and just be a total bitch to people because I find them annoying. But I don't want to be fake. Serious dilemma, right?

I'm struggling to find the balance between nice/friendly and fake. I can't be rude, cause I'm an adult and also my father's daughter so I can't help myself but talk to strangers and random people I meet, but I don't want to like have a big slumber party and braid each other's hair and tell them all my secrets. Do they make a card that says "Let's just be acquaintances"? Cause if not, I'm calling up Hallmark right now. 

There have been a couple of times in my life when I was friendly with someone, talked to them, even hung out with them, only to find out later that they didn't like me/talked crap about me. That made me weary, unsure of my friendships. What if none of the people who I called my friends were, in fact, my friends? What if they were just putting on a show, not brave enough to tell me what they really thought of me? Most of these incidents occured in high school, since that is the time in everyone's life when they're most unsure of who they are. Teenagers are immature to say the least, and some of them think that it takes putting others down to feel better about themselves. I don't want to be one of those people, but does that mean I can't laugh at the clueless lady who has her skirt tucked into her pantyhose?

There is a difference between talking about people when they're not there and talking crap about people who aren't there. But its a tricky one. I'd like to say that I never say anything that I wouldn't say to someone's face, but aren't we all guilty of saying not-so-nice stuff every once in awhile. That's where it gets into a gray area, can you be someone's friend if you occasionally voice your negative opinions about them? Of course you are going to have some negative opinions, but should you voice them?

I kind of, hesitantly, wonder what other people think of me. Do they think positive things? Or negative? Their opinions don't really impact how I'm going to live my life, but if someone doesn't like me and I consider them my friend, I'd kind of like to know. You know, so I can cease being their friend. Cause they don't actually like me.

I realized this morning that we are aware of how other people see us at such a young age. Today was crazy hair day at school, and Alana was scared. She didn't want her hair to be TOO CRAZY because even in kindergarten she is scared that people will laugh at her. I made her hair moderately crazy cause what I had planned was really crazy and took her to school. When she got out of the car she looked across the street, and because she did not immediately see anyone else with crazy hair she panicked a little. No one else has crazy hair! I'm gonna look stupid! She's 6, and she's worried about looking dumb. That's how early we start to care about other people's opinions. In freaking kindergarten.

I want to be friendly, and I will be, but the last thing I want to be is fake. At the same time, if disliking someone because I find them annoying even though I've never actually had a conversation with them is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

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