Reality

Every time I go to the doctor/in public and I'm dressed in normal clothes and my hair is combed I make sure to take a picture that documents that week of my pregnancy. But in reality, if you just knock on my door in the middle of the day, I don't have makeup on and I'm wearing yoga pants. I like to take nicer pictures of myself, but who really gets dressed everyday when they stay at home. Its unrealistic.

In reality I don't typically take self portraits of myself with my iPhone, because apparently I scowl at my own reflection. In reality I do make my bed everyday though, that wasn't just for the picture.

In reality Alana wears lipstick more often than me and Ava wears underwear or bottoms of any kind less often than I wash my hair. The frequency of her underwear wearing and my hair washing are directly correlated.

In reality I'm too tired/anemic to nest. My house is clean, probably cleaner than most people's houses, but in the past that didn't stop me from tirelessly cleaning baseboards and other irrational things. Right now I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my baseboards look fine the way they are.

In reality I feel no urge to assemble baby products. My carseat, bouncer, & pack & play are all still in the box and I have no reason to put them together anytime soon. Doing that would mean that I have to put a baby in them which I'm not willing to accept just yet.

In reality I would prefer to go to just about 40 weeks, because getting induced early because of random things that are wrong with me is kind of inconvenient. I want to stay pregnant cause I know its easier than postpartum, where all of your clothes fit weirdly and you probably have stitches somewhere, even if you didn't have a C-section.

In reality some of my shirts are getting to the point where I wish they were longer, and that is because they are my regular shirts and I hate maternity shirts. Now I'm too pregnant and far too cheap to buy any maternity shirts because I really only have about a month left. If I was too cheap at the beginning of my pregnancy to pay for maternity shirts there is no way I'm paying for them at this stage of my last pregnancy.

In reality I like being pregnant. Sure it comes with weird medical conditions that involve taking iron and getting blood drawn way more often that I would prefer, but it also has its perks. It is a time of anticipation and hope and waiting to meet that little person you already care about so much. Before your first baby you think you know how much you're going to love them when they're born based on how much you love them before they're born, but you're wrong. So wrong. Then with your next kid you cannot possibly imagine loving anyone as much as you love your first born, but you're wrong again. You will, even though it doesn't seem possible, you will.

In reality the knowledge that this is my last pregnancy was only comforting during the nausea. For all of the things that I like about being pregnant its more bittersweet. I can live without ever dry heaving over the smell of too many air fresheners in someone's car or having heartburn after eating Cheerios. But I will miss the little fluttery kicks, the tiny little feet and hands, the excitement of finding out if its a boy or girl. Those things are all destined to be memories.

In reality the end of pregnancy is imminent and I'm unsure how to stop time. The first part went slow, mostly cause I felt like I was gonna puke a lot, but this last part has flown by. I thought I had a long time left, but then one day I woke up with an outie for a belly button, my baby shower had come and gone, and I had a drawer full of newborn clothes with monkeys and baseballs on them, just waiting to clothe a little man.

I hope reality will slow this time warp I'm living in, cause I want to sit on the couch with my ladies for a few more weeks with no diapers to change.