Tomorrow Brings Change

Tomorrow I have to send my first born lady off into the world and I've already cried about it at least 3 times today. I got sad buying her grapes and goldfish crackers at Walmart, I got sad when she walked into the living room all sleepy eyed and messy haired this morning, I got sad when she wrote her name on a Tupperware container to put in her lunch box, I got sad when David went to work and she yelled Bye Daddy! at him as he went out the door, and I'm sad now.

I've been home with her, 24/7, for almost six years. Now she is leaving me for 7 hours a day and she's happy about it, but I'm sad. Kindergarten is terrifying. What if someone is mean to her and she is too good natured to do anything about it? What if she gives all of her stuff away because when someone asks her for something, with the exception of Ava, she gives it to them? What if she can't open her string cheese and no one will help her?

I'm going back to only having 2 kids at home during the day, even though it's only been 1 month that I've had 3. Yikes, that means that Witten is already a month old tomorrow. I can't handle anymore of my kids growing up too fast.

Now my everyday reality involves leaving my house before 8 am, which I am mostly opposed to and spoiled because I haven't had to do it in almost 6 years. It also involves taming Alana's wild mess of hair everyday so that people will not be under the impression that we are homeless. That task alone is monumental. Now I'm home with an almost 3 year old and a newborn, so my go-to girl for fetching me stuff when I'm nursing is leaving me. Who will go get me my phone, because Ava refuses to be my personal butler?

Alana is a very social person, so of course she cannot wait for school tomorrow. She is so excited that she has already packed her lunch, which includes her favorite sandwich of ham & cheese on a croissant and grapes. She has been counting the days since the number was about 20, and even telling that number to random strangers at the grocery store/dentist/post office. Now that the number is just one I can't believe time went so fast, not just the 20 days of her countdown but the last 5 1/2 years.

Sending my baby to kindergarten is scary, but I imagine that by the time Ava goes to school I won't be as sad about it. My maternal instinct to keep her close is being contradicted by sending her to a room full of strangers. I guess I really don't have much choice since I want her to know how to read and write and do math, but there is no way I'm home schooling her because that is test of my patience I don't even want to experience.

I can't protect her from every curveball the world has to throw at her, but at least at home the only one throwing things is Ava.