My Forgotten Middle Child

Poor Ava. She's not the baby anymore. And she's not going to kindergarten. She's stuck somewhere in the middle. Lucky for her she has a birthday coming up in just two weeks, so she's sure to get some attention then. And some presents. Can't forget the presents.

The Official Kindergarten Post

Now that I'm starting to come to terms with leaving my baby with a bunch of strangers everyday at that crazy place called kindergarten, I guess I can document it.

The first day she woke up early, all excited and sleepy eyed. I almost overslept, which I never do. Then the next hour was super hectic as I got myself dressed and Alana ready and cooked up some pancakes cause I couldn't just send her to school with an empty stomach.

She was so excited that she packed her lunch the day before. Then she was too excited to eat most of it. She got over that the second day though.



Clearly I need to work on my pancake shapes. It was supposed to be a heart.

 

Sleepy eyed and excited.

David and I took Alana to school, along with the giant bags of school supplies that public schools can no longer afford to buy, like kleenex, while Ava and Witten waited at David's parents house. She was super excited. I was not. We took her to her classroom, found her cubby and nametag, looked around for a couple of minutes and then took her out to the playground to say goodbye. She quickly hugged both of us and then went on her way to get to know her classmates and do some playing.

I didn't want to let her see me cry, because she was being so grown up about going to school and I'd rather have an independent girl than one who is crying and begging me to stay. I'll have to deal with that when Ava goes to school probably. So I enlisted my sunglasses to disguise my tears and tried to be brave as I walked away from my baby who was clearly not as sad about the separation as I was.

I was mostly okay till we got about 50 feet away, which was about the time she got to the top of the jungle gym and yelled Bye! as we were walking away, then I had to deal with waving and saying bye again, all behind the sunglasses that were not hiding my sadness as well as I hoped they would. Then David had to drive home because I was too sad.

For the rest of the day I randomly cried, and so did Ava. She kept saying she missed Alana, which made me even sadder and reminded me of how much I missed her too. The day went really slow, and 3 o'clock took forever to arrive. We all went to pick her up and she just casually walked out of her classroom like it was a normal thing for her to be gone from me all day. Then we went to McDonald's for an ice cream cone, because surviving that day needed to be rewarded. Especially for me.

Ready to go to school.

She's pretty proud of her puppy backpack.

After this our normal life will never be the same. I can't lay around my house everyday and not brush my kids hair. I'll save that for the weekend. I have to leave my house daily, even in the winter when I despise going outside. Since I'm picking her up instead of having her ride the bus since the dropoff for our house that is 3 miles from the school is almost an hour after school gets out, I actually have to go in public everyday and I don't want to look like a crackhead so I have to put on non-pajama clothes.

Everything feels different. Sunday nights, which I always hated when I was in school or working, are suddenly a time of anticipation for Alana. She was excited last night at the prospect of going to school today. She didn't get that from me, I used to get grouchy and anxious as the day passed just because I knew I'd have to go to school/work the next day.

Being a stay at home mom who has kids in school feels so different than my previous normal day where we got to stay home everyday. Suddenly I feel like I don't know what I've done with everyday that I've had at home with Alana for the past almost six years. That whole part of my life with her is done, now she's only home on weekends and evenings and summer break. She grew up into a kindergartener when I wasn't looking. I don't know how this happened.

I don't know when, if at all, it gets easier to be away from your kids all the time. Its kind of a crappy deal. You spend all this time growing them in your belly, then you take care of them and feed them and teach them everything, only so that they can eventually abandon you. I don't recall signing up for this.

I suppose that kindergarten isn't the end of the world. She still comes home everyday excited to see me. But by tomorrow she'll be graduating from high school and moving away and it will seem like yesterday that she was a little girl with a puppy backpack waving bye to me on the playground.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday - I Guess I've Become a Joiner

On a whim I decided to actually participate in a group activity, which happens to be Scavenger Hunt Sunday. Maybe it was to fill the hours of quiet since Alana has abandoned us and went to kindergarten, or maybe it's just because I take so. many. pictures. and they deserve to be documented even more than they already are. So behold, pictures.

1. Paint. Clearly Ava is an artistic genius.

2. Green. Alana's toes are getting cozy with this grass, which is clearly not in our dirt filled yard.

3. Eyelashes. I'm jealous that her lashes are 100 times longer and thicker than mine. Mine don't even look this good with mascara on.

4. Shapes. This is my nephew Jayden, who I happen to think is pretty cute. And he is modeling these oh so manly star glasses for me on 4th of July. I think he's pulling them off.

5. Clouds. Probably the least interesting picture I've ever taken.

A Sendoff

Since Wednesday was Alana's last official day of not being a school kid we decided to cram some of her favorite summer activities into that last day. These included McDonald's hashbrowns, playing in the sprinkler, and building a fort in the living room. She wants to do all of these things everyday but they somehow don't always get done, and since our new normal life won't have her at home with us all day I figured we should do all those things one more time.

Clearly I am an awesome fort builder.



Witten was unimpressed with my fort building skills.



Enjoying the awesomeness of the fort and watching a movie.

Ava is cautious about getting wet in the sprinkler.

She is a wild girl.

This was our original sprinkler spot, till we moved to the driveway cause they kept turning the water up full blast, then Ava broke the first sprinkler and we had to use a different one.

Alana going to school changes everything. Days like this where we just play and stay home all day are going to be far less frequent. And now I have to brush her hair more often too. I'm gonna miss her, but I'm glad we took the opportunity to play the whole day right before she moved on to being a Kindercat. 

Milestones: One Month Old

Witten turned one month old yesterday, but with all the sadness and craziness around Alana going to school I waited till today to document it. Of course I am sad, how did he get to be this old already. The last month flew by, and it simultaneously feels like I had him yesterday and several years ago.

I know he has grown some, because he just feels a little heavier. He still wears newborn clothes though, and the 0-3 months shorts that I put on him this morning are giant on him, especially around his skinny little baby legs. He has wild fuzzy hair that I have to wash almost every day, due to the appeal of touching it that seems to affect anyone who holds him. Seriously everyone touches his hair, so then it gets all greasy from their hands and I have to wash it.

He wakes up 3 times a night, and mostly just eats and goes back to sleep. A couple of times he has woken back up right after I put him down, due to a pesky case of the hiccups. When that happens he gets mad at them and to teach them a lesson he stays up for about an hour and I watch The Hills at 4 am to try to stay awake. He is nice enough to sleep for about a 5 or 6 hour stretch every night though, usually from about 7 or 8 till 12 or 1. Too bad a large chunk of that time happens to be when I'm still awake. I'm gonna have to go to bed at 8 pm so I can get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

He is a sweet boy, but if you anger him he will let you know. And then he will scowl at you like its nobody's business. I can already tell he is going to be a major mama's boy, because he clearly prefers me. I don't mind that, especially if he's my last baby. And I'm the one with the milk, so of course he is gonna like me best. Not to mention that I'm clearly awesome.

I don't mind the sleepness nights, especially because they aren't that sleepless and it's the one time when it's just me and him, with him snuggling up on my chest and giving me lots of love. I'm in no hurry for him to roll over/sit up/crawl/walk/etc because I'm am far too aware that all of those things just lead to kindergarten, and that I'm not ready for.

I'm Too Depressed to Blog

Alana is at her first day of kindergarten and I'm sad. I can't say that postpartum hormones aren't playing at least a small role in my steady flow of tears, but its mostly that I miss Alana. So does Ava. She keeps crying that she misses her, but if Alana were here Ava would be trying to bite her. Our morning was a little hectic and rushed, but for Alana it was tear free and exciting. She proudly walked into her classroom with her puppy backpack and princess lunchbox, then when she went out to the playground she hugged me and waved bye and I had to wear sunglasses to hide my tears from the general public.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to watch Handy Manny with Ava while we both cry about how much we miss Alana.

Tomorrow Brings Change

Tomorrow I have to send my first born lady off into the world and I've already cried about it at least 3 times today. I got sad buying her grapes and goldfish crackers at Walmart, I got sad when she walked into the living room all sleepy eyed and messy haired this morning, I got sad when she wrote her name on a Tupperware container to put in her lunch box, I got sad when David went to work and she yelled Bye Daddy! at him as he went out the door, and I'm sad now.

I've been home with her, 24/7, for almost six years. Now she is leaving me for 7 hours a day and she's happy about it, but I'm sad. Kindergarten is terrifying. What if someone is mean to her and she is too good natured to do anything about it? What if she gives all of her stuff away because when someone asks her for something, with the exception of Ava, she gives it to them? What if she can't open her string cheese and no one will help her?

I'm going back to only having 2 kids at home during the day, even though it's only been 1 month that I've had 3. Yikes, that means that Witten is already a month old tomorrow. I can't handle anymore of my kids growing up too fast.

Now my everyday reality involves leaving my house before 8 am, which I am mostly opposed to and spoiled because I haven't had to do it in almost 6 years. It also involves taming Alana's wild mess of hair everyday so that people will not be under the impression that we are homeless. That task alone is monumental. Now I'm home with an almost 3 year old and a newborn, so my go-to girl for fetching me stuff when I'm nursing is leaving me. Who will go get me my phone, because Ava refuses to be my personal butler?

Alana is a very social person, so of course she cannot wait for school tomorrow. She is so excited that she has already packed her lunch, which includes her favorite sandwich of ham & cheese on a croissant and grapes. She has been counting the days since the number was about 20, and even telling that number to random strangers at the grocery store/dentist/post office. Now that the number is just one I can't believe time went so fast, not just the 20 days of her countdown but the last 5 1/2 years.

Sending my baby to kindergarten is scary, but I imagine that by the time Ava goes to school I won't be as sad about it. My maternal instinct to keep her close is being contradicted by sending her to a room full of strangers. I guess I really don't have much choice since I want her to know how to read and write and do math, but there is no way I'm home schooling her because that is test of my patience I don't even want to experience.

I can't protect her from every curveball the world has to throw at her, but at least at home the only one throwing things is Ava.

Don't Anger Him

Since babies haven't quite mastered smiling when they're still newborns the range of facial expressions is slightly more limited. While Witten occasionally gives a half a newborn smile, his mostly scowls at people. You get a raised eyebrow skeptical face, then he will squint at you slightly to show he knows what you're up to. Do not anger him, because then you get a larger range of scowls, and if you've really done something offensive the bottom lip comes out. That's really a worst case scenario though.

He has a serious side. He heard that chicks dig that. We'll see.

It's Not Bias, It's Fact

Do not ask to see my baby and then not comment on his cuteness. I'm not asking you to lie here people, but I know he is cute. So if you approach me in the grocery store and specifically ask to look at my new baby, say something! Don't just stare at him awkwardly with a blank look on your face, because I will be offended.

I personally never say that I think a baby is cute unless that is my actual honest opinion. But I also don't seek out a glimpse of people's baby who I probably already saw on Facebook unless I think I will have something nice to say about it.

And seriously people, he is cute. That's not just my opinion, it's general knowledge.

Toothless

Not only is this lady going to kindergarten on Thursday, she is in some kind of hurry to grow up. Last night she lost her first tooth. It was loose for awhile and she had been wiggling it all day. Right before bed she got up to look at it in the mirror, pulled on it just a little, and within a couple of seconds she was minus one tooth. Now I'm sad and the tooth fairy chapter in my life has officially begun. She left her tooth in an envelope and woke up $1 richer. One tooth down, many more to go.

Earlier yesterday when her tooth was extra wiggly. And I know there is something stuck in her teeth, but I don't know what it is. Its one of life's mysteries.

She wrote this herself, I just told her what letters to write. It contains one tiny baby tooth.

Can we just talk about her insane amount of hair for a minute? She is losing teeth and gaining hair. Wild, uncontrollable hair that just gets crazier with the humidity.

My ladies are growing up too fast.

Foot Fetish

I have a disorder. It's called must take excessive amounts of pictures of my baby's feet. The symptoms are obsessive photographing of your baby's feet, and looking at your baby's cute little feet whenever he is on your lap. It can also carry over to your other children and you find yourself taking pictures of fat 2 year old feet. I'm self diagnosed, but I'm sure any medical professional would just confirm what I already know. The only known treatment is to give in to the urge and take pictures of cute baby feet. The symptoms will subside when your children reach puberty and have gross smelly feet.

A Love Story

There is no food on the planet that I love more than soft serve ice cream. It's delicious, refreshing, and creamy. Due to my lack of daily access to Dairy Queen (which is probably for the best) I must settle for an occasional McDonalds ice cream. Luckily it's an acceptable substitute, especially since they now have chocolate dipped cones.

Like I needed an excuse to take more pictures

I have taken at least 500 pictures in the last almost month since Witten was born. Mostly on my camera, which I have fallen back in love with and am so glad I invested in. But sometimes, okay a lot of times, in a pinch, I just use my phone. I know some people don't care much for their camera phone, but with an iPhone it's not too shabby. It's no dslr, but it's 8 megapixels and I don't have to use a flash, so it's better than my first digital camera.

Now, due to my efforts to stay awake at 4 am and lack of quality TV programming, I have started to use instagram. No one is really following me, but I put my some of my pics on Facebook so at least a few people are seeing them.

At this rate I will have at least another 500 pictures in the next month.

***I added an instagram link on the sidebar in case anyone is interested in looking at the insane amount of pictures that I take.