I'm Not a Redneck, I'm an Innovator

Its springtime. Its warm. My girls think that bathing suits are a complete outfit, and they look pretty cute in them so I'm not complaining. With warm weather comes a whole other list of possible activities.

My ladies love to play with water. Water guns or a bowl of water, doesn't matter. I was feeling generous and filled up this blue container with water, and it was intended to be a swimming pool for Barbies. My Barbies swam in a cooler, so this is a step up for these Barbies. They should feel priveleged. But as the course of evolution took us, the Barbies weren't the only ones wearing bathing suits and looking to take a dip. These ladies kept dipping their feet in, which ended up with both of them squeezed in there, water spilling everywhere, and the Barbies thrown out on the ground. I inadvertently made a redneck swimming pool for my children, but like all rednecks, they thought it was fun and expected nothing more out of it. Just a good time with a tub of water, that's all a pool really is anyway.

Mysteries of the universe

Why do they call them fingers if you never see them fing?

Role playing

Me Mrs. Potts!

Nesting Archaeologist

The instinct to nest is insane. I can say that, cause I'm pregnant. What gives you the urge to clean out closets and scrub baseboards? It is a mystery.

I had some serious nesting with Alana, but not till about 39 weeks. Once I was off of work and had one week before my due date my crazy brain said Clean your house! So I cleaned everything, even moved furniture and cleaned baseboards. That was stupid. In hindsight I would've laid on my couch and slept all day every day for that week, because it was my last childless week, I had Alana the following Monday.

With Ava I'm sure I nested, but nothing really stands out. We were kind of broke so we didn't buy tons of stuff beforehand for her, and it was August without air conditioning, so I'm pretty sure I managed to rein in the craziness a little bit.

Right now though, I'm six months pregnant and have had a few crazy nesting and decorating urges. With our taxes I bought some curtains and the girls room got new furniture. Then I bought a ton of picture frames and finally hung up some of my countless photos of my kids. And we got a new kitchen table. Those were kind of normal things though.

Then yesterday I thought cleaning the bathroom sounded like a sane idea. And it would've been, but scrubbing a bathtub pregnant is never in good judgment. It hurts your back. I have now declared it clean enough to go without cleaning until August. Then my crazy eyes spotted the dirty bathroom light fixture. Really dirty. So why not stand on the sink and take it down for cleaning, that's perfectly logical right? We've lived here for seven years and I've never cleaned it, so six months pregnant is definitely the time.

After taking it down a discovery was made. For seven years I've assumed that it took two light bulbs, that the bathroom was supposed to be that dark. Who knew there were two burnt out bulbs in the middle that I couldn't see because of the glass cover. I could've had a brighter bathroom, where I could actually see myself in the mirror to put on makeup correctly, this entire time, but I was living at 50% light. Add 2 100 watt bulbs and I almost need sunglasses.

So nesting is useful, you discover things about your old dark bathroom that you never knew. You just have to stand on your bathroom sink six months pregnant to clean a piece of glass you have never touched in seven years. That's all.

And for good measure, 24 weeks.

A belly makes a good shelf for holding a two year old. Also: bowls of cereal, ice cream, etc, but only when sitting.

Of Course My Children Are Geniuses

Artistic ability runs in my family, it practically stampedes.

Blue egg by Alana, orange by Ava. And it goes without saying that they are masterpieces.

Whoever Said That Never Met Me

You know that expression Don't sweat the small stuff? Yeah, whoever said that clearly has never met me. While I have the capacity to be laid back and easy going, there are plenty of times when I am far more tightly wound and borderline obsessive.

Yesterday my desktop computer wasn't working. So I tried to fix it. But I was trying to do other things and enjoy my spring break and be lazy. The computer clearly had one or more viruses. I've had it for six years, I know when its sick. So to me the natural solution was anti-virus software. It has always worked in the past, somehow I've had the same computer since 2006 and I've never had to pay someone else to fix it. The anti-virus software was the equivalent of taking someone else's antibiotics cause you're sick and you think you know what's best for you. Why do people even have leftover antibiotics by the way? You are supposed to finish them even if you're feeling better. Anyway, the computer did not improve. It got worse. It no longer connected to the internet, even after I uninstalled the software and restored it to a previous point. Dr. Jennifer did not cure her patient, and the computer is considering a malpractice suit.

That whole Don't sweat the small stuff thing could've come in handy about then. Cause when something breaks, and I need it to work, I become obsessive. I tried everything I could think of and it still wouldn't work. Then I tried the suggestions of everyone on Facebook. Still nothing. Then David tried, but he has never fixed it before so I wasn't optimistic. Then I mentally broke down my insistence to never pay for computer repair and decided it was probably inevitable.

I listed my laptop on Craigslist, via my handy iPhone. I listed it for super cheap, cause I had not in recent history been able to connect it to the internet. Someone called about it right away, cause it was a good deal. Then, just to make sure, I checked to see if it didn't work. With my new router that I bought to prevent using too much data on my phone, I tried to connect to my wi-fi network with my laptop. And it worked. It must've been a computer miracle, cause I haven't touched that thing in six months, and now I'm typing on it. Sorry guy from Craigslist, but I'm not selling you my practically brand new laptop for super cheap if it works.

Now my laptop works but the desktop doesn't. So it has gone to the computer doctor, who is one of David's high school friends and is giving me a good deal. Hopefully its not too expensive, since I'm no longer selling this computer.

I really could benefit from the whole Don't sweat the small stuff thing. Maybe not become too obsessive about fixing things and be grouchy to kids who interrupt me while I'm sitting on the floor trying to reset the router for the tenth time. Maybe next time.

Remote Controlled

My camera self-timer and I are only reluctant acquaintances. I just kind of hate pushing a button and then running to get into the frame with everyone else. Its awkward. So for my birthday I got a remote, still kind of awkward, but a great improvement. No running. I set up the camera, set all my settings, focus and then calmly walk to my spot.

I've now used it a few times to take pictures of just me by myself, cause David was at work and his patience with photography is limited. He takes a few, doesn't really care what he is taking them of, and he is done. If I'm by myself I can obsessively take the same picture until I'm somewhat satisfied. Until the depth of field is just right, I'm not standing at a stupid angle, my hair isn't in my face, and I just don't look too dorky. The only real trick is hiding the remote.

We even used that handy little thing to take a new family picture. And a tripod, that was also helpful. We take a standard picture every holiday. The obligatory Christmas tree and such. Most of those pics include the front porch of my parents house, cause that is the best place to take a picture at their house. There is a flower bed you can sit on and a trellis with green things growing on it. But an actual pic that I planned out had been neglected for awhile. I hadn't changed the family pic or my kids standard pictures on the wall since Ava was 6 months old. A lot of growing has taken place since then. So thanks to my remote for the family pic and my increasing belly shots, and then my own skills taking pics of my ladies the pictures in my living room are now current and with the help of my remote once again I can update the family one when this next one is born.

Remotes are a handy invention, even though I wish I could be on both sides of the camera at once, cause ultimately the ones I take from behind the camera are much better.

23 weeks last Tuesday. And my remote skills are getting better the more of these I take. It helps if I'm alone and not rushed. Or being asked to share the remote with the girls, who take it when I'm not looking.

The Debate Team

Nuh-uh. Yes-huh. Nuh-uh. Yes-huh. Nuh-uh. YES-HUH.

That is a typical conversation between my children. They have formed a debate team and appointed themselves on opposite sides of it. Whatever one says, the other disagrees with. And they both have to have the last word, especially Ava.

Sometimes it starts with something small, like Ava making a statement that is clearly wrong, everyone knows it, but she will never admit it, and of course because Alana is older and wiser SHE MUST correct her or the world as we know it will end forever. What? Ava says the curtains in your room are purple when they are clearly pink? You must fight to the death over this very important serious issue!

Although a small part of my nature always wants to be right, my kids inherited this trait from David more than myself. This is correct and do not dare to disagree. Alana must correct every falsehood and Ava must never be corrected under any circumstances ever in the universe including immediate death and/or dismemberment. Ava must also have the last word, in every discussion.

Ava's opinion is fact, it cannot be disproved. Boys are stinky, girls are pretty. No questions asked. Alana is ugly, but only when Ava deems it to be so. Never any room for interpretation. Ava's butt is always nice, never stinky, and this issue is always concrete. HER BUTT IS ALWAYS NICE! Winnie the Pooh is a cinematic masterpiece and should've won Best Picture, not just this year but every year from now on because a greater film will never be made. You must not disagree! It is not allowed.

This incessant arguing drives me crazy. I want earplugs. Maybe some type of remote controlled shock collar for both of them, and an extra for David when he is annoying, so they will shut up. I tell Alana just to ignore Ava, because her correcting/disagreeing with her is the start of every fight. But I cannot. I don't have it in me. Their fighting is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Even one nanosecond of it is so very very annoying.

I know sibling rivalries and stupid arguments are not going to end. I've fought with my siblings over every stupid thing imaginable, like cleaning the bathroom cause Dad left me in charge and you better do it cause I said and I'm the oldest and I always get that stupid "You're older you should know better" lecture when you are bratty. Now I'm the one giving the stupid "You're older you should know better" lecture, because well Alana is 5 and doesn't need to argue with a confrontational two year old.

No matter what I do or say fights will happen. Maybe I should just invest in boxing gloves, but then someone will end up crying and I'll have to comfort them. Or explain a black eye to people. Both sound like too much trouble.

Is It Obvious?

Can you tell she picked out her own clothes? Cause she is a trendsetter.

Don't Mind Me, I Just Cry in Public

Pregnancy is full of hormones. Good hormones, bad hormones, and everything in between. But mostly ones that just make you look or act like an idiot and/or grouch. That's a nice way of putting it. These hormones make you cry over dumb things and get enraged over other dumb things. Overall, its just not normal behavior. Well, mostly. Cause sometimes I cry at dumb stuff when I'm not pregnant.

It is important to have a good OB when you are pregnant. Someone you trust bringing your kid into the world. That's why when I found a doctor that I liked with my first pregnancy I kept going with my other pregnancies. I liked him. He was nice, calm, induced me the day after my due date in my August pregnancy, you know, all the things I look for in a doctor. I was a return customer.

Last week I got a call from my doctor's office wanting to reschedule my appointment. The previous one couldn't be kept. Because the doctor had a heart attack in his sleep the previous Saturday and had passed away. That was a lot to process, so I just agreed to see the other doctor and got off the phone. I really didn't know what to think. Hormones were coming at me from different directions, all surrounding this one issue. I called David to tell him and was surprised at how emotional I got. I couldn't even talk. After that day I was still sad but busy enough to remain distracted.

Then I actually had to go back to the doctor's office. To switch doctors a little more than halfway through my pregnancy. I was fine for awhile. Got through the actual appointment, and the other doctor is also really nice so I think I'll live. But then when the really nice nurse practitioner came up and hugged me I got all weepy crazy crying pregnant lady again when I tried to bring it up. Then the nurses had to give me tissues while I stood there trying to make an appointment crying over someone who I only knew because he delivered my babies. And 14,000 other babies in the last 40 years. And every time I thought about it the rest of the day I got all sad and weepy. Crying in the doctor's office. And the elevator. And my car. All in public.

All this stupid crying over stuff comes with pregnancy. But that doesn't mean you get used to it with subsequent pregnancies. You still get surprised that you are standing in public crying over something, no matter how many times it happens.

Joint Custody

For the record, I was opposed to getting an iPhone. I think they're cool and all, but there was nothing wrong with my old phone. It functioned properly, had a full keyboard, and had 2 years worth of pictures on it. I see no real need for a smart phone, because I'm home most of the time with my computer and I have no need to go on the internet away from there.

I will admit however, that the phone is cool. Too bad I'm not the only one who thinks so. I only have my phone for a small fraction of each day. The rest of the time I've hidden it from my children, or they're playing on it. I do accept partial responsibility for that, cause I'm the one who put kid friendly apps on it. I really love The Monster at the End of This Book, so who could blame me. They think my phone is for their personal use. Barbie games and Winnie the Pooh books do nothing to convince them otherwise.

I find myself having to limit how long they can use it, because Alana will spend the whole day listening to Bruno Mars and playing Angry Birds if no one stops her. And Ava will just nicely ask pretty please until I die from cuteness and then she takes my phone after I've died and retains custody of it. Curse the coolness of the iPhone, even though I still think its unnecessary. And I don't think my camera appreciates its presence either, since I've only used it to take 3 pictures since I got the new phone with its fancy 8mp camera.