Friday, August 26, 2011

Kidney for Sale

You know how hindsight is 20/20? You don't? Well, you should. I know in theory, but apparently not in practice.

I've recently been shopping. You know, for fun stuff, like 3 cases of diapers and jackets and shoes for my kids. I'm frivolous like that. I also got a couple pairs of shoes, but that's neither here nor there. This shopping, for essential life things and such, was sponsored in part by my pell grant. It is nice to fill in the gaps and helps us get by till the next one. Also pays my tuition and buys my books. At least the ones I think I need.

Money burns a Texas-sized hole in my pocket. I had my money spent before I got it, and waited impatiently for it to be deposited into my bank account. Impatiently is probably an understatement, seriously I was checking my account online like every hour. Obsessive.

So we went to Target and Walmart and gave them all of our money for stuff that will get thrown in the trash like diapers and toilet paper. Then I had no money left. Zero. I was broke. David still had some, but his books and tuition were cheaper than mine so he started out with more. So me, no money. David, some.

It wasn't that relevant that all my money was gone because my bills were paid and my books were bought. Every book that was on the list, that I thought I needed, was paid for.

Today was my first day of my biology class. My textbook is in the mail. The only one I thought I needed. Then, a surprise. I don't care for surprises in general, but when it is an expensive surprise I'm really not a fan. Hey guess what, half of you didn't realize it because it was under a different tab labeled Recommended books, but you also have to buy a lab book that costs $128, plus tax! The cheapest one you can even find on Amazon is $90, but that doesn't include the $35 access code that you'll also need. Hahahaha.

Literally half of the class went to the bookstore during the break to buy the book. But not me. I went, but I couldn't buy it. Because I have no money. Not like, I'm destitute and can't put food on the table no money. More like, I'd have to scrape together pennies and sell my kidney if I was going to buy that book right now or else I have no gas money and such till next payday.

The class is only 8 weeks long, so the longer I wait to buy the lab book the more behind I will get. I can't drop it, because then I have to take something else and I'd have to buy the book for that, and if I don't take another class I have to pay back my tuition money and half of my financial aid money. Those options are way more expensive than just buying the book.

For now I have options. Wait till next payday, which is almost two weeks away, and use whatever money is left over after that to buy the book. Don't wanna do that, cause then I have to wait a long time. Sell my kidney, but that is also time consuming and requires surgery. My blood type is O Positive if there's any takers, though I don't know how that affects compatibility, since I'm currently taking anatomy, but don't have the stupid book.

I did list my old camera on Amazon, but someone would have to be dumb enough to buy a point and shoot camera in order for that plan to pan out. Plus Amazon takes forever to put money in the bank. Side note: Click here to go buy my camera! My seller name is Alana is the best, cause there are too many Jennifers in the world and Alana suggested that.

We'll probably take a trip to the book store, where they buy back used books and video games, and actually give pretty fair prices. Thanks Hastings!

I can probably scrape together enough to buy the dumb book pretty soon. I don't like to borrow money from people and wouldn't even ask unless I was on my death bed, so that leaves me with selling stuff and waiting for payday. If only I had saved some of my money, that I had just one week ago. Stupid hindsight.

******Post edit: Someone bought my camera the next day, which was awesome, except that Amazon takes almost 2 weeks to pay you and won't even release the funds until you ship, which you end up having to pay out of pocket. And the shipping is more expensive than they let you charge, so its kind of a rip off. I probably won't be complaing in a couple weeks though when I have an extra $50 in my bank account.

I got my book though, cause my awesome husband took a bunch of books and video games to a used book store and they bought them for $80, which almost covered the cost of the book. The teacher said I didn't need to buy the access code if I didn't want to, so I bought the book on Amazon for $90, which saved me quite a bit. Thank goodness for Amazon and people who want to buy my old stuff.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Shopping Cart Karma

Pre-children Jennifer was very judgmental about people putting their shopping carts back in the designated area. I was all How lazy are you people that you can't walk an extra 20 feet to put it back to make the job of an underpaid grocery store employee a little easier?

In reality, it is kind of lazy not to put your cart back, under normal circumstances. If you're just going to the store, no kids attached or disability that prevents you from pushing your cart back to the designated area, and you don't put it back, then I'm gonna think you're lazy and kind of rude.

Post-children Jennifer, always one to contradict myself, doesn't usually put my shopping cart back in the designated area. Gasp! Past Jennifer would've judged me harshly, but current Jennifer has an excuse. Two kids.

When you take your kids to the store with you, which I kind of loathe doing, its a big enough job to keep them intact and prevent them from picking an apple out of a produce bin and eating it right there. True story. Especially when you're taking a 2 and 4 year old. I really don't know how moms with more kids take them all to the store without losing their minds. Child-free grocery shopping is my dream. Sometimes I go to the store at 6 or 7 am, before they've gotten up, just so I can shop peacefully.

So post-children Jennifer is a little more realistic. Once I have my kids loaded in the car, and then my groceries, and the car is running cause let's be real people this is AZ so if the car and ac aren't on my children's would be all sweaty, I can't take my cart back to the designated area. If I take my cart back, then I have to walk away from my ladies, in the running car, and leave them unattended. Not gonna happen. No one is stealing my ladies or my only car on my watch. So I have to leave my cart at the front of my car. Sorry cart retrievers at Benson Walmart. I wouldn't do it if it weren't necessary. I promise when my kids are bigger that I will always return my cart and make your job slightly easier.

Also: If you park in the fire lane at the grocery store, you better be an emergency response type of vehicle. None of this I'm just waiting for someone who just ran in real quick. They'll be right back. Except that they still aren't back after I've loaded all my stuff in the car and my kids and I'm leaving. They won't be back for at least five minutes, and that is plenty of time to find a legal parking space. Those red lines and no parking signs are there for a reason, rude old guy reading a magazine, because you're not supposed to park there. That area is for people with emergencies, not people with a sense of entitlement. There are plenty of parking spaces and they're not that far away.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sporadic

Every single day, when my kids do something cute, I think to myself That would be a good thing to blog about. I'm totally gonna write about that. It is hilarious! Everyone will crack up, cause of the hilarity of my blog and my awesome writing skills and my modesty and such. But then I don't. Cause I'm lazy. Or super busy window shopping online, so that when I go to the actual store I'm mad that they don't have as big of a selection. Why don't they have the necklace I want? What is wrong with these people?

The nature of my blogging has become sporadic at best. Once, twice, three times a week. That's all I have in me. So then I end up with these random topics all crammed into one post, because I was saving them for a rainy day or other such occasion. I also have random pictures, with no specific topic other than the cuteness of my children, with no place to call home. See above. So they end up in a spot on my blog because they deserve to be seen, not just stored on my harddrive for all eternity.

My life is pretty routine, but there are always moments when my kids do something so cute it surprises me. They have crazy personalities. I have tons of stories of all of the things that they do, so this will be the home of this week's stories. Not just this blog specifically, duh, cause that's where they end up anyways. This specific post, cause my sporadic blogging leaves me with lots of stories that don't get written down, and today is the day I tell some stories.

Pretty cool:
The best catchphrase that Alana can possibly imagine has been named. It is: Pretty cool. Pretty cool is not the description of the phrase, so much as the actual phrase. Everything that Alana thinks is awesome: Pretty cool. When food is delicious it is called: Pretty cool. Any new toy worth buying: Pretty cool. She is starting to remind me of the Miley Cyrus show on SNL. Everything is coming up roses pretty cool.

Hide and go tattletale:
Hide and go seek is played in a less traditional way in our house. The rules: The hider hides. Ava goes with them. The seeker finishes counting to ten, then Ava comes out of hiding and leads them to the hider. She screams and makes you follow her, laughing the whole time for giving away the secret. It's pretty cool.

Hopscotch champion of the world:
Tuesday Alana drew a hopscotch court with sidewalk chalk in our backroom. It was pretty cool. It consisted of about 15 squares, all drawn to the size of an infant's foot. Pretty small, but pretty cool. Ava took the hopscotch court for test drive, the way that only a two year old can. By mastering it and making it kiss the ground she walks on. She owned it. She nailed it. She is hopscotch champion, of the world, no, make that universe. She skips through it by randomly jumping up and down and then congratulating herself at the end. Words cannot accurately describe it, it is the funniest thing I've ever seen. If I had to describe it I would probably call it Pretty cool.

These bratty kids crack me up. I want to remember how small and cute they are now, so when they're teenagers, and incessantly asking to drive the car and giving me gray hairs, I will still like them some. They are definitely pretty cool.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Terribly Two

It is official, this little person is 2! She is so sweet and cuddly, and I'm so lucky to have her.

We celebrated Saturday with cake and ice cream, plus presents. Ava is my shy girl, so I got the feeling she was ready for everyone to go home about 5 minutes after they got there. Thanks for coming, now I'd like to watch cartoons by myself thanks! Pre-party I actually took a poll of who she would like to invite, and the only yes answers were for her cousin Brinley and my sister Nicole, who had to bring Brinley. Everyone else was a party crasher.

I didn't get any good pics at the party cause Ava was literally glued to my leg, she wouldn't even let me put her in a chair by herself to sing Happy Birthday. I had to hold her and hand over my camera and creative control. She was not a fan of the singing process, because 20 people were staring at her and she got shy. This is shown in the pictures. One mad, shy, grouchy lady. She looked so unhappy in the pics that I gave her some cake yesterday on her actual birthday, with a candle and an awesome version of Happy Birthday sung by Alana. It was my do-over.

She got lots of presents, but her favorites were of course the toys. My favorite was the cash. What can I say, I love a good envelope of cash.

Then we had to return a couple of things, cause we got some stuff we already had. Word on the street is that I return presents. That I return tons of the stuff that my kids get. Not just a couple, but like everything. I'd like to clarify. Defend my good name. Set the record straight.

I take stuff back. Not everything, but stuff that we have no use for. We got a copy of the movie Rio, which we already had. So we took it back. We got a bed tent for a twin size bed, but we do not own a twin size bed. We got two of the same dress, but neither had tags, so we kept both. I only return stuff that we can't use, and instead get her new toys that she can doesn't already have. She got a Littlest Pet Shop remote conttol car that is so annoying, but she and Alana both think it is super fun.

I'm not some crazy lady who just returns everything to get Walmart store credit. I only return stuff we absolutely will not use. I don't think that is rude, but sorry if people get offended.

Enough about that, let's get back to the birthday stuff. Ava is officially two. I love her. Now look at pictures of her. Thanks.
Cake re-do. She liked it better when it was just us. She actually sort of smiled.




































Red velvet cake. Cream cheese frosting. I accidentally doubled the butter in my frosting and didn't realize it till later. It was extremely delicious.

She looks grouchy in these. That is why we had a re-do. I can't believe she is two!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Because Blogger Hates Me

I feel like it is important to say thanks to Amy for wishing Ava a happy birthday and complimenting me in the process. Go here to visit her yourself.

Because blogger has been stupid lately and won't let me comment on blogs I chose to put my thank you up here where everyone can see it.

P.S. Amy, I can't comment on your blog lately. I've had this problem and others have told me the same thing about mine cause there is something wrong with blogger when you have the comments encrypted under your post. Making the comment window appear in a pop-up box fixed mine so that people can comment. If you've noticed a lack of comments, especially from me, that might be why.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Take One Last Look

Tomorrow my perfect little lady Ava will be two. It should be a crime how quickly they grow up, but I can think of a few things that are worse. I'm so happy to have her, she is so sweet in every way. She might hold us all hostage watching Wow Wow Wubbzy every day, but I love her nonetheless.

The first second I held her I suddenly remembered how small babies start out, because we forget so quickly. Now she is 24 pounds of pure energy, and I just want to squeeze her all the time. There are so many times every single day where I look at her and I can't believe how perfect she is. She has the longest eyelashes, pouty little lips, the squishiest chubby butt. She grew in the blink of an eye, and I'm in the market for a time machine to hold baby Ava one more time, because toddler Ava is busy playing and coloring and jumping around and squealing.

I feel the need to look at her baby pictures, so I can try to remember how small she started out. You have to look too, so I know I'm not crazy for thinking time goes so fast.

















My intention was to put a picture from every month of her life so far. Blogger had different ideas. I still got a good look at just how much my lady has grown, and its a lot. Looking at these old pictures made me sure of two things: Ava has grown up way too fast & I'm so very glad I got a new camera.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

A Finish and a Start

Today I finished my last assignment for my summer classes! Yay! Five week classes go by super fast, before you know it you're writing six pages about high fructose corn syrup and whether or not its unhealthy. And citing references, cause plagiarism is bad people.

I got two As, thanks for asking. Actually, I'm just assuming they're both As since I got an A on every single assignment and test and discussion. When the final tally is in and those slow grading teachers finally give me something official, I'm sure it will be an A. Seriously though, if I got something lower than an A in a writing class I would start to question my identity.

Next semester my strategy is to take two classes, but they're both 8 weeks, at opposite ends of the semester. First up is Anatomy and Physiology. Yikes. Gonna have to do some studying for that one. None of this stuff where I just wing it like with writing. Then after that is over I'm taking my second writing class. Back to winging it.

Today also marks the start of preseason football. That one gets a sarcastic Yay! David just watched some highlights and was yelling at the TV. That's what the next few months will be like for me. Listening to someone yell at the TV, then ask me what I'm typing about. Not you. Yet.

Football season this year better go better for David and the Cowboys, cause we have tickets to see the Cowboys play the Cardinals in December. I made have made a deal to wear football earrings to that event, which I am now regretting. I'm gonna look dumb, but probably not as dumb as the rest of the football fans wearing ridiculous outfits.

With the end of one semester and the next one just two weeks away, I'm ready to spend some time watching Wubbzy with my almost two year old. I'm sad that she'll be two on Sunday. She just turned one! She is growing up too fast. I think she has grown faster than Alana. I couldn't wait for Alana to turn two. Now she's almost five and I miss the two year old version of her. Two is such a fun age, they can do so much stuff. But one is still a baby. I can't let go of one just yet. I'm hanging on to these last two days with a one year old. Now I have to go squeeze my squishy little baby, before she grows up anymore.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

An Explanation

Sometimes in life you find yourself at a fork in a road. Only its not a fork, its a chair. And you wonder Why the heck is there a chair in the road? So you just drive around it and question your own sanity.

There is a chair, in the middle of our driveway, in the middle of a giant mud hole. Sometimes in the evenings I like to unwind by sitting in an old chair in the middle of a mud hole in the middle of my driveway. Feel the evening breeze in my hair, watch the sunrise. You know, enjoy nature and crap from the comfort of an old chair in my driveway.

Or, there was a water main break in our driveway, which created a huge mudhole. The landlord fixed it quickly, but not before a huge mudhole was created. He didn't want anyone to drive through it right away, so he dragged this old chair from behind our house and put it right in the middle. Cause that's what anyone would do in that situation.

Its still there. I find it gives our driveway more character. Really sets our house apart from the others. Now, when I'm giving someone directions to my house I can just say Its the one with the old chair in the middle of the mud at the end of the driveway.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I Have Issues

When did all these toys that I played with as a kid suddenly make a comeback? Overnight my house has filled with Smurfs and My Little Ponies. Literally overnight, cause we got Smurfs in some Happy Meals yesterday and bought a six pack of ponies on sale at Walmart.

We also have our share of Strawberry Shortcakes, which also came from Happy Meals. Add to that one thousand Barbies and you have my dream childhood. My kids have far more toys than I could have ever imagined. And I get to play My Little Ponies all I want!

Yesterday was my niece's first birthday party. She is so cute and squishy I just want to bring her home with me. Or have another so that I can have another one year old, because my one year old is one week away from being two. Sad. Last year when Ava turned one I was sad because she had gotten there so quickly. One day she just started walking, and she walked right towards one and never looked back. Now she is gonna be two and I'm caught off guard again. I swear I just brought her home from the hospital. Last summer she was wearing onesies and no shoes and crawling around, now she walks everywhere, makes snake noises and actually agrees to wear shoes and have her toenails painted.

We are just having cake and ice cream for her, which makes me feel kind of guilty that we're not having some huge party, but feeding all those people takes lots of time and money. I prefer to keep them both to myself, cause last year I spent her birthday cooking and running around like a chicken with my head cut off getting ready for her party. This year, I'm making a cake and sitting on the couch with my two year old. She can hold me hostage while watching Wow Wow Wubbzy all day.

I'm down to my last week of summer school, and once I adapted to the faster pace I got pretty comfortable. Five week classes go super quick. Instead of one chapter per week like a sixteen week class, I did four. And I'm getting a high A in both classes, so that can make up for my slacking last semester. To me there is no greater compliment than being called smart. Things like appearance and photography ability are nice to get praise for, but being smart trumps them all. I want my kids to value intelligence too, because it is far more important than beauty.

Summer is winding down, but this last month of stuffy humidity is gonna be killer. I hate August. I would say to just cut it out of the year altogether, but my anniversary and a couple of birthdays are in there so it has to stick around. I'm ready for September and October, where its not too hot, not too cold, and never humid. I'm not ready for my eight week Biology class that starts at the end of August though, because who really wants to spend that much time studying anatomy and physiology. Not this girl. But I only have about four classes left to take before applying to dental hygiene school, then I just have to find something to do during the two year time period when I'm waiting to start. Not an exaggeration, the waiting list is a mile long.

In blogging issues, I've noticed a lack of comments, which might be cause no one has anything to say. It might be for another reason too, which is that blogger hates me. Recently when I've tried to comment back to people on my own blog posts, I couldn't. It sent me on this endless cycle where I was forced to sign in repeatedly and eventually gave up. I had the same problem with some other people's blogs, so I quit trying to comment on them. I had some awesome stuff to say too! Yesterday I was reading a random blog and she mentioned the same problem, and then mentioned a solution. If you go to settings, then comments, and change your comments from being at the bottom of the post to being in a pop-up box, then the issue is magically fixed. Yay! I was able to comment back to people and now I'm happy once again. Take that blogger!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Updated Marriage Vows

Today is my five year wedding anniversary. I'd like to thank Facebook for reminding me. Seriously, we probably would've forgotten otherwise, cause we're awesome like that.

We don't really keep that close of track of it, because we were together for so long before we bothered to get married. Then when we did bother to get married, we just went to Vegas with a handful of people, when I was about 8 months pregnant with Alana. Classy, I know.

We never really get gifts or celebrate, especially since Ava'a birthday is so close to our anniversary, so we save all our extra money in August for her and her almost two-ness. Besides, the traditional gift for the five year anniversary is wood, and someone in this marriage is trying to interpret that in a way that benefits them.

After five years of marriage, and nine together, we've established a pretty solid repertoire. I still do things that annoy him, and he definitely does things that annoy me. But we make it work, cause for some strange reason we love each other. Ok, that's my mushiness overload keyword right there. Unless I'm talking about cookies or kids, I don't typically say love. So now I'm changing the subject.

After all this time, I think our marriage vows could use some revamping. A few new promises, cause the other ones are getting old. I'm talking about you Honor and Obey.

I will promise to cook some type of breakfast meat: bacon, sausage, ham, etc, at least three times a week, if David will promise not to keep reminding me of the one gross thing that I cooked in 2003, which he fondly calls Manure Meat. I think I've redeemed myself, so lets just let it go already.

I will promise to not win too often in Skipbo, if he promises not to push my players so much in NBA Jam, and to not cheat in Jeopardy.

I'll pretend to be interested in the incessant football chatter, if he pretends to care about what grade I got on my most recent essay. It was an A, in case you were wondering. But only a 98%, where's the other two points lady?

I will sit through stupid action movies like Transformers 3, if David promises that I never have to watch them ever again. I don't care what movie is on HBO, if I didn't like it the first time I'm not gonna like it this time.

Marriage is ultimately about compromise. You do things you don't wanna do, because they make your spouse happy. I can think of several right off the bat. But all of the fun that you have together will be worth it, as long as you make sure to marry someone who makes you laugh. Whether its with them or at them, it doesn't matter.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Delicious Child

Something bit Alana. Something unknown. Something hungry. Something her body wasn't too happy about.

At first it just looked like a mosquito bite. She said it was itchy. I put anti-itch cream on it and gave it no more thought. The next day it no longer looked like a mosquito bite. It looked gross. Red and swollen and streaky. It looked worthy of a doctor visit. So that's what we did.

The doctor gave her some antibiotics, but since she had no other symptoms and was still running around like a crazy four year old, she was sent on her way. He did have one stipulation though, if it got worse she had to go to the hospital.

The next day, it was worse. Great. I love the hospital. At least in a small town the hospital doesn't have a ridiculous wait time, and you might even know the nurse.

Alana still felt fine, at least fine enough to bring nearly every toy she owns with her to the hospital. Every toy, including the smurf she talked me into buying for her at McDonald's the day before.

After not too long and some more antibiotics, we were still left wondering what the heck bit her. I know it wasn't Ava, cause she has bigger teeth. And I don't think it was a big spider, cause she said it didn't hurt. Its a mystery, hopefully not a recurring one.

Proof of bitten status:
These pictures don't even show how swollen and red it really was. There was streaking up and down her arm, and she could barely bend it because it was so fat.

Even with a fat swollen arm, she still wanted to go outside and play. And make dorky faces while I took her picture.

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