National procrastination day

Today is national procrastination day. Celebrate with me. Here are a list of ways:

Don't change out of your pajamas or shower. (I'm not showing my face because of the whole "not showering" part.)

Don't make your bed.

Don't change your children out of their pajamas.

Don't do the dishes.

My most important one: Don't fold the weeks worth of laundry slowly taking over your house. At this point I'm considering just buying new clothes.

So celebrate with me, if you're up to it. If not you can always put it off until tomorrow.

Someone didn't get the memo

Apparently someone at the weather department didn't get the memo. Its supposed to be spring.

I am freezing right now.

Does anyone know how to turn the wind off? Maybe warm it up a few degrees.

I know in a couple months I'll probably be complaining about the heat (I'm talking about you July and August). But seriously, lets turn up the thermostat. At least make it so my house isn't freezing. And so my landlord doesn't think I'm a super huge pain in the butt for asking him to turn on the cooler two weeks ago.

Kind of makes my complaint about the heat seem a little premature. When I said it was unbearably hot in our house he was probably on the other end rolling his eyes. Thinking just wait lady. You think its hot now? That's fine. I'll turn off the heater and then it'll get cold on random days of each week and you will be freezing. Ha ha ha. (I imagine that's what his evil laugh sounds like).

So now I will complain about the cold and the wind. Even though I know April is always always like this. Every year.

But I may as well write and schedule a post about the heat. I know I will be hot at the end of the summer. Waiting for fall to come and the temperature to drop down somewhere around what its at now.

But you can't please women. That's why the weather doesn't even try.

Wake-up call

As a parent some things are just instinct. My best current example is a finely tuned ear for certain noises. Mostly, middle of the night puking.

As soon as you hear that first dry heave you are wide awake.
As a parent who lets my kids sleep in my bed I am even more finely tuned to these noises. No one wants to be startled awake by being thrown up on.

Last night at about 11:30ish I heard a suspicious heaving. I reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. When I looked over David was sitting up too and we were both looking at Alana. She was just coughing. Not puking yet.

So I turned the light back off.

Not 30 seconds later I heard more puke noise. This time when I turned the light on Alana was throwing up.

Last time she was sick in the middle of the night David had her walk from the bed to the bathroom mid-puke.

This resulted in a trail of puke 20 feet long.

So she stayed where she was till she finished puking.

Then I asked David to get a towel to wipe off her face and hands. He brought a brand new Toy Story Disneyland towel we just bought. When I was paying $17.95 for that towel I didn't imagine using it to wipe up puke.

After the first puking of the night we moved Alana to a blanket on the living room floor with her princess pillow.

After throwing up she was thirsty. We let her have a small sip of water but she tried to chug it. Anyone who has ever thrown up water knows chugging it right after you throw up is a bad idea. No matter how thirsty you are you have to resist.

So she threw up two more times. Just water.

After laying on the floor with me for a while and drifting in and out of sleep she decided she wanted to go back to bed. The rest of the night was uneventful.

This morning she said she felt better but all she's had so far is water. I don't think she feels that great because she turned down Lucky Charms.

Now she's asleep. And Ava's asleep. So its just me and Jayden, left up to watch Cloudy Meatballs. Maybe I'll share my candy bar with him. Since he's the only one up to keep me company.

An afternoon at the park

Having some fun outdoors, Lions Park style. It was kind of a windy afternoon, but that didn't stop my ladies from having some fun.
Alana played non-stop on the playground and said hello to everyone she saw.

Ava made it her personal mission to clean all of the rocks and grass with her spit. Mission accomplished.

Splash time

Its already swimming weather outside here in Arizona. So what do we do? We go to an indoor pool.

Sierra Vista's city pool is this really nice and really big indoor pool. It has a couple of tube water slides and a little pirate water slide for little kids. Plus, it gradually gets deep, instead of all at once, so it is so perfect for little kids.

We went this morning and had so much fun. Ava just hung out with David in the one-foot deep area for a while. But Alana was a pirate slide maniac. At first she wanted me to go up on it with her, but she got over that. She went down it like 15 times. She would go a little crazy and turn sideways at first, so that when she landed on the pad at the bottom her head would go under water. Then she figured out that if she stayed next to the slide she wouldn't turn so much. She had it down to an artform.

After we left Ava's hair dryed all crazy so she looked like a maniac. And they were both really tired from all the wading around that we did.

Dear next door neighbors

Dear next door neighbors,

I don't know if anyone ever told you, but just because we live in a duplex and our hoses and outdoor water spigots are right next to each other, that doesn't mean you can use my hose. Especially when you have one sitting right next to it.

Just because yours is half as long as mine doesn't mean you can borrow mine whenever you feel like it. Maybe you should've spent the extra five bucks and sprung for the fifty-footer. If yours doesn't reach to your carport then what is the point of it anyway? You can't use it to wash your car, which is what I think you use mine for.

And if you insist on using my hose against my will, at least make some effort to hide it. Put it back on my side of the front yard. Don't take my sprinkler off of it and throw it on the ground. Don't leave your spray nozzle on my hose. Its just rude.

And while we're on the subject, don't take my hose to your side of the yard to water the rosebush. They don't need you to water them. Mine is doing great, and I never water it. I've never watered it and I've lived here six years. And mine is twice as big as yours. See:

And if you could keep the noise down at night that would be great. My kids don't need to hear your domestic disputes. Or banging on the wall at 2 am.

And why do you vacuum at 6 am? And run into stuff with your vacuum?

I've never heard noise from any of my other neighbors that I shared a wall with before you.

Just something to think about.

Your shared wall neighbor,

Jennifer

If Hansel and Gretel had legos...

maybe they would've left a trail of them instead. Then maybe birds wouldn't of eaten them like the bread crumbs. And they wouldn't of almost been a witches dinner.

Facts about me

I have two hot ladies with dark hair and long eyelashes. One of them even has two teeth now. I love them.

I love iced coffee. Only vanilla though. Chocolate (mocha) and coffee is nasty.

I eat way too much junk food. I really love healthy foods like fruits and vegetables. But I can't resist a Reeses big cup.

I know the theme song to Wow Wow Wubbzy by heart. He lives in a tree. He likes to play, play, play. He's got a bendy tail and he likes it that way.

My husband loves football. Way too much. Because of him I now finally understand the rules of football. Wish I could say I'm glad. He's lucky I love him anyway.

I love to cook. I love to eat. I don't even mind washing the dishes afterwards.

Today I put cream cheese on my hamburger. While it was on the grill. It melted into creamy deliciousness. Try it sometime.

I'm tired of dying my hair one shade lighter than my natural hair color. But I can't stop. Or else I'll have darker roots and look like I don't wash my hair. I need help.

I like The Office more than any other show I've ever watched. Its awesome. I'm way too emotionally involved with the characters at this point. I was excited for Jim and Pam to finally get together (down with Karen) and get married and have a baby.

I blurt out stupid answers to Jeopardy questions (or I guess with Jeopardy its questions to answers). Then David laughs at me.

I'm a Democrat. Don't live in a small town if you are liberal and want to be in the majority. Because you won't be. You will be outnumbered by conservative old people everywhere you go.

I think bumper stickers are stupid. Why deface your car with dumb sayings and advertisements for "the Cave?"

I hate shoes with cartoon characters on them. No offense to people who buy them for their kids. But I seriously hate them. Not that my kids have never owned any, but I didn't buy them.

I wish they made kids pants in half sizes. For little girls who are too skinny for a 4 and too tall for a 3. I don't want Alana walking around looking like she's expecting a flood.

I hate to fold laundry. If there's anybody who likes to fold clothes you can come live with me rent free. Just fold my laundry. Somebody should invent a third laundry machine to go after the washer and dryer. It should fold and put away clothes. I guess it would be more of a robot than a machine.

I've been to Disneyland 6 times in my life. Two of those times I was pregnant. And I've never been on Splash Mountain. Even though I really want to. But I've been on the Tower of Terror. It was equal parts tower and terror. And I've been on both Toy Story themed shooting rides about 20 times. In one trip.

I don't like the beach that much. I think the ocean is pretty, but I don't want to get my hair wet or get sand in my cracks.

I hate and won't eat most convenience food. Rice-a-roni. Chef Boyardee. Macaroni and cheese. Fish sticks. Canned soup. Hamburger helper. Ramen noodles. I'd rather just cook my own food then buy a can of msg and salt.

I think Ava probably has the cutest baby butt of all time. Its chubby and squishy and I love it. It doesn't get seen by everyone so they can't fully appreciate its cuteness.

Growing up I thought my older cousins were the coolest people ever. All they had to be was older than me and they were automatically awesome, yet strangely approachable. Alana feels the same way about Colby and Grayson. Especially Grayson. She always talks about how strong he is because he can lift her.

I really love to read. Like, a lot. Like I won't watch TV or pay attention to anything around me if I'm immersed in a good book. So I can't read that often to prevent neglecting my children.

I didn't expect to like being pregnant so much. But I did. I think I'll even do it again. What I didn't like was my stomach afterwards. Why don't they mention in pregnancy books that afterwards your stomach looks like a deflated balloon?

My favorite baby stage is brand spankin' new. When they don't talk back and their clothes are all too big and they sleep everywhere.

I let my kids sleep in my bed. I like to cuddle.

I don't drink soda. I haven't in ten years. Not because its unhealthy. Although it is. Because the carbonation makes me burp too much.

I don't chew gum. Its hurts my jaw and makes my teeth feel gross. And I don't think it prevents cavities.

I have a soft spot for obnoxious little boys. I blame my little brother Nathan, who was the most obnoxious little boy ever. But he was cute so you couldn't hate him.

I used to think I wouldn't like scrapbooking. Then I had a kid and had an unexplained urge to document her life. But I ran out of adhesive a month ago so all of my attention has gone to my blog. And pictures just keep piling up.

I'm horrible about keeping in touch with people. I don't call, I don't write, I don't send flowers. If I have to go out of my way to see someone I won't see them. But I will IM them. That requires minimal effort.

I like camping in theory but not in practice. The idea of fresh air and roasting marshmallows sounds great. Till you get there and you have to sleep on the ground. And walk half a mile in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom when the road is covered with worms.

I don't like "chick flicks". They are stupid. Lucky for my husband I don't drag him to see cheesy movies. But he doesn't return the favor. I still have to watch action movies.

I have seen the Lost World and Congo way too many times in my life. My brothers were repeat movie watchers and apparently big Michael Crichton fans.

I vacuum my house everyday.

I only like Clausen pickles. They are crunchy and delicious. And cost twice as much as other pickles. Totally worth it.

I told Grayson I was allergic to frogs so he wouldn't bring one into my house. He didn't believe me.

I used to eat sardines with my dad. When I was like five. Till I decided sardines are super gross.

Stage 3 baby food makes me want to vomit.

I can eat an entire pan of brownies over the course of a weekend. Mmmm.

There's no way I'd take a kid under five to the Grand Canyon. Can you say plummet to your death? And if I did take one there I'd have to rethink my position on kid leashes.

I worked at Wendy's for way too long. Do you know why their hamburgers are square? Because they don't cut corners.

I love to play Apples to Apples. I can get Melissa to pick my card almost every time. Just by playing cold pizza. I still usually lose to Nicole. But never to Jeremy.

P.S. Didn't mean to make this post my life story. But I was extra inspired for some reason.

Fashion Don't

Attn: fellow sandal and flip-flop wearers and lovers.

If your heel and/or toes hang off of the edge of your shoes then the shoes are too small for you. Its unattractive. Cease and desist wearing them. Buy bigger shoes. Seriously.

Chocolate milkshakes

There is only one way to properly make a chocolate milkshake. With chocolate ice cream.

If you make it with vanilla ice cream and add chocolate syrup and flavoring of some kind, you are wrong. No offense. Its just gross.

I hate when I go to a restaurant and order a chocolate milk shake and that's what I get.

Its even worse if the milkshake comes out of a machine. It reminds me of Jack in the Box commercials a few years ago where they were using a milkshake as mortar to build a brick wall. Not that their milkshakes are any better.

Its sad that only a few places make their milkshakes the proper way. If I want a chocolate shake I have to go to Dennys or the movie theater at Park Place. I can't even go to Dairy Queen for a proper milkshake. They add syrup to vanilla ice cream. Its nasty.

Vacation envy

I guess I shouldn't be jealous that the Shermans and my parents are going to Disneyland without me tomorrow. I did just go in February.

And my dad sometimes drives me crazy on vacation with his chronic cheapness. How many boiled chicken sandwiches should one person have to eat?

But family vacations are fun. The good and the bad and the ugly. Memories are made. Good times are had. Boiled chicken sandwiches are eaten.

Makes me think of the last real vacation my entire family went on.

That's me on the right with the awesome hat on. Don't be jealous. You can get one too. Just go to Walmart in 1998. Melissa had one too. Hers was also awesome. I know you're also jealous of my dad's cowboys hat. 

This is five out of six of us at the Grand Canyon. Don't know where Nathan is. Probably annoying someone else or being dangled over the edge. That's me on the left, with the awesome sandals you can't see very well. I'm holding my cheap-as-can-be souvenirs. Postcards. Had to ration out my money. Tell you all about it here. And Melissa is now wearing her awesome 1998 Walmart hat. I like Nicole's red shirt/orange shorts color combo. You gotta love the 90's.

This is me at Excalibur in Las Vegas. Someone should've told me parting my hair in the middle looked stupid. Hindsight is 20/20. I've got my awesome sandals on again. Maybe I should mention that brown leather sandals were all the rage at this point in time. Doc Martens were the best but substitutes were accepted and everyone had them. And your eyes do not deceive you. I'm wearing an anklet. This picture makes me appreciate my flat iron even more.











I do love Disneyland and vacations and I'm grateful for everyone that I get to go on. I hope there are lots more in the future.

Dealing with disappointment

David was mildly depressed this week. He had NFL based disappointment.

He is a huge Cowboys fan and was looking forward to them coming to AZ this year.

Last year broke his 7-ish year streak of seeing them play every year.

Some games they won, some they lost. But he always had fun. Till the end of the game when they lost and he'd have to walk out in his Cowboys gear and get heckled by fans of the opposing team. He was still a proud Cowboys fan though.

But I think he was mostly lucky when he went. They won more than they lost. And he got to share some camaraderie with fellow Cowboys fans.

So David was anxiously awaiting the Cowboys schedule. He wanted to see when the Cowboys would be playing the Cardinals so he could go see them and talk crap with his friend who is a Cardinals fan.

They play here in AZ, but its at 4:30 pm on Christmas Day. I don't care if he goes, but I'm not going. There's no way I'm leaving my kids on Christmas to watch football. He can, but I'm not going to.

So my poor abused husband probably won't get to see his beloved Cowboys play in person again this year. We'll have to save up and go to the new stadium next year.

Good thing the draft started last night, so he has something to take his mind off of the pain of missing the game.

I'm sure he will mention that the Cowboys are here at least ten times on Christmas.

Change is good

Yesterday I saw an old TV someone had left by their trash can. It was the kind with a wood console. Awesome.

Took me back to my childhood. When we had a giant wood surrounded TV. It was like a piece of furniture. We put decorations and junk on it. Dusting it was quite a task. It had knobs instead of buttons and I don't think it had a remote. For as big as it was, I don't remember the screen really being that big.

Now I have a 50 inch TV. Quite different from the TV we had when I was growing up. We don't even have to unplug it when there's thunder and lightning. We've moved up in the world.

We went from this:

To this:

Then in my lifetime I've also witnessed the slow death of the cassette tape. We went from cassette tapes that had to be re-wound and then you'd push play and it would be halfway through your song of choice, so you'd have to keep trying.

Then we moved up to cds. They were slighty better than cassettes. At least the sound quality was better. And you could completely skip songs if you wanted to, or restart the song from the beginning with minimal effort. But if it got scratched it was over. And if you only liked one song you would never listen to it. And they were so bulky. David used to have so many cds and they were so annoying. He'd pay $15 for it and it only had one or two songs he liked. And storing the cases was such a headache.

Now we've moved on to Ipods. I'm an ipod convert myself. Its sleek, its compact, its pink. All points for the ipod. You can get them with video, you can play games, they don't skip and if they get scratched its merely cosmetic. And they don't skip when you hit a bump, like discmans. And you can buy individual songs, instead of entire albums of crappy songs for one good one. I love my ipod.

We went from this:

To this:

(By the way that's not my ipod. I don't listen to Nelly Furtado. No offense to anyone who does.)

Everything is made to be more convenient these days. We need to save time and energy. So even broccoli has been streamlined for our convenience.

We went from this:

To this:

The last thing that has changed drastically compared to the way I remember it is road trips.

We used to have to rough it on long cross country trips. Fighting with each other and kicking the back of the seat till we got yelled at was our entertainment.

Now everyone has portable dvd players. You can watch Ratatouille in the backseat when you're driving to Disneyland.

I personally love that there is something to keep my kids entertained on long drives. Saves me from getting a giant headache.

Isn't it ironic

Last Friday it was warm and sunny. It had been warm for over two weeks and it was getting hot in our house. I was getting tired of opening all of the windows as soon as I got up in the morning to let in cool air before it got hot.

And I hate sleeping in a hot room. We have a ceiling fan, but it buzzes so loud you can't hear yourself think. And we have a regular fan on a stand, but its aimed at David.

So I lay awake at night sweating. I slept on the couch for a few hours a couple of times because the living room is cooler than the bedroom.

But I was getting tired of doing that. So I called the landlord and asked when they were turning on the cooler. He said he would come over the next day, Saturday.

Saturday morning he came by and said someone else would come by in a little bit to turn on our cooler.

So I stayed home all day waiting, like waiting for the cable man. After awhile we figured he wasn't coming. Then at 6 pm he showed up. He went on the roof, looked at the cooler and said it needed too much work to do it that day. He'd come back at 8 am.

At 9 am the next morning he showed up. He worked on it but it wouldn't come on. He said he would need to replace the motor. Eight hours later he came back and replaced the motor but it still wouldn't work.

It was hot and just opening the windows wasn't doing much for me anymore.

The next day he came back and replaced the switch. It still didn't work. It was still hot.

Tuesday someone else came back and looked at it. They couldn't get it to work and said they'd come back Wednesday.

Wednesday they came back. They still couldn't get it to work.

Thursday they came back again. They figured it out. It worked. Something was plugged in wrong the whole time. They probably didn't even need to replace the motor or the switch. But they did.

Wednesday was cold and windy with a chance of rain. By Thursday morning it was even colder and rainier and crappy outside. Today it is cold and rainy again.

But now my cooler works. And in order for the cooler to work the heater has to be turned off first. So now I have a space heater in my living room to warm it up a few degrees, since it was freezing in there this morning.

I did want it to be cooler in here though didn't I?

Pa-sketti night

Who doesn't love spaghetti? Especially when its pronounced pa-sketti. Makes it more exotic sounding.

This was Ava's first time eating pa-sketti. I think she liked it. She couldn't shovel handfuls of it into her mouth fast enough. Good luck to me trying to get her to eat pureed baby food now.

Did I mention she's a professional sippy cup drinker now? Fill that thing up with water and consider her thirst quenched.

Rabbit Season

This is what I see when I look out my kitchen window at this time of year:

Ok, not really. But we are outnumbered by rabbits at this time of year. Every where I look, rabbits. You can't drive down the road at night without them running out in front of your car. And whenever I look out the kitchen window, I see rabbits. Usually more than one.

And in a couple of weeks? Baby quail will join them. Those are my favorite walking birds (shout out to Beth if you're reading this). But I really do like baby quail. They are like little fuzzy cottonballs with a feather sticking out of their head.

Unlike these rabbits. Don't they look ferocious? I think they're planning something. So furry and calm looking. Like a bomb ready to explode. More dangerous than we'll ever know.

And this one looks blood thirsty. He is waiting till I go to bed to break into my house and steal all of the carrots.

Bizarro Alana

This scraggly bed-haired lady is Bizarro Alana. She lets me comb her hair and refuses to be called any type of nickname.

This morning when I had my flatiron on Alana had thousands of questions about it and its purpose. So I sort of straightened some of her hair. It looked so weird. Since she has had hair on her head it has been curly and crazy, and here she was with straight smooth hair. Even David noticed. What's with her hair? She looks older.

Then yesterday I called her a little girl when I asked her not to stand on the couch. So I said fine then, you're Alana.

No, me not little girl, me not Alana. Me a little boy.

If you're a little boy then where's your weiner?

It's at work.

I guess weiners can leave and go to work then.

Tea time

Ever since Alana got this paint-your-own tea set as a late Christmas present, she has been obsessed with having tea parties.

As you can see she painted them beautifully. Lots of colors. It is a one-of-a-kind tea set.

She even makes her cousins have them with her, except Grayson, he's too "manly" to have tea parties.

Today's tea party featured Dr. Pepper for Alana, and water for me.

Lurking

I admit it. I'm a lurker. I look at random people's blogs who I don't know and will never meet.

I don't do it with bad intentions. Some of the funniest blogs I've found are people I don't know. They share my same weird sense of humor. Thats rare in the small town I live in. Sometimes people don't know if I'm joking or not so they don't know what to say. I want to tell them to loosen up, don't take everything so seriously. I was actually told at my last job that people didn't know whether I was serious or not so I should try and watch what I say. Alrighty then.

Sometimes when I'm looking at blogger I find myself with four or five windows open. I was looking at someone's blog that I know or that I went to high school with, then I click on one of their friends or relatives and keep clicking on anything that sparks my interest and end up with some random person who lives in Utah that I've never met. Or I'm looking at one of the blogs that my sister follows and I end up looking at everyone in her list, then people in their lists and by six degrees of separation I end up looking at someone's blog that I do actually know. Its a complicated process.

Then David will look at the computer monitor and ask whose blog I'm reading. Then I have to tell him I don't know. Cause I don't. I don't even know how I ended up looking at it.

I don't know if these people mind me looking at their blog, but I figure if they didn't want random people who they may or may not know looking at their blog they would've made it private. I don't mean anything by looking at it, they just have cute kids or funny stories, so I'm intrigued.

Sometimes I wonder if people I don't know are reading my blog. I wonder what they think. I know my sarcasm doesn't translate on paper as well as it does when I'm in person. If they've never met me they don't know how crazy my sense of humor is. They don't know that I'm secretly a Democrat living in a town of Republicans. Shhh.

I really don't mind if people look at my blog. I don't take the time out of my day for one person to read it. There's nothing in it that's so private I wouldn't want anyone to know, or else I wouldn't put it on the internet. Nothing's secret on the internet. Why do you think people's naked pictures always get leaked? Duh. They put them on the internet and somebody found them. There are no naked pictures of me anywhere on the internet so I'm safe.

I don't even mind if people I don't know leave comments. It would be nice to have some comments on here once in a while. People I know don't even leave comments. They are lurkers too. We are all guilty of lurking.

Hand-me-down guess who part 2

A couple of sweet watermelon babies. Which is which?

Gender confusion

I know people mean well, but if you aren't sure whether a baby is a boy or a girl, then don't call them one or the other.

Seriously, why would you call my baby a boy? I know gender stereotypes and lines aren't as firmly drawn as they used to be. Sometimes boys have earrings and girls can wear blue. Some boys even wear pink. None that I know, but some.

So why would someone call Ava a boy? She has sparkly little (fake) diamond earrings and she's wearing an outfit with pink shorts and a big pink watermelon on it. Outfit to be featured later on hand-me-down guess who. And most of the time she's wearing a headband. Who puts that combination of girl stuff on a boy?

Yet still she was called a boy this morning. My landlord has called her a boy a couple of times and no matter how many times I say she's a girl, she's named Ava and I refer to her as a "she", he still gets confused. There is a pink baby swing right next to the front door and pink baby toys all over the floor. He asked Alana if she likes having a brother. Alana didn't respond. No one corrected him.

I guess its partly our fault, but he's a nice enough guy and he does own our house so I don't want to offend him. I wonder if he'll ever notice that she's a girl, not just a boy that has earrings and likes to wear pink. Maybe he thinks that all of her pink stuff is hand-me-downs from Alana and we're just too cheap to buy new blue stuff for our new baby.

Another one bites the dust

In my fifteen years of blowing drying my hair I've gone through an insane amount of blowdryers. I seriously lost count like ten years ago. They run through my life and I can't afford to get too attached to any of them.

I started to blow dry my hair around age thirteen-ish. That was about the time that the texture of my hair changed from smooth and shiny to wavy and frizzy. Not curly enough to pursue a curly hair style, not straight enough to leave it to its own devices. Stupid puberty. It took my shiny bleach blond hair and turned it into a frizz fest, with most of the curls around my hairline by my face, the ugliest place for them. Just the right spot so that if I sweated at all, my curls would come out. And they made bangs out of my reach.

So I attempted to straighten it with a round brush and blowdryer. Thirteen year old girls aren't exactly expert hair stylists. I just ended up with split ends and slightly less frizzy hair than before. I'm just now at the point in my life where I've mastered the round brush/hair dryer combo to get my hair smooth and full of volume the way I want it.

And if it was humid? Forget it. Any semi-curl/wave was right back where it started.

Between thirteen and fourteen I killed my first blowdryer. It was cheap and crappy. I don't even know where it came from, it was probably a hand-me-down. It would overheat (this wouldn't be the last time I dealt with this problem.) After about 3 minutes of drying on high heat it would shut off. I had to wait about 30 seconds (at least) and then push the reset button before it would turn on again. So frustrating! In the meantime my frizz prone hair would be air-drying.

After I convinced my un-naturally cheap parents to get me another one (they got the cheapest one they could find) my hair was OK-ish for a few months, till monsoon season when all bets were off. Then it started doing the overheating thing too. It was a piece of crap.

It got to the point where I went through hair dryers so often I would get them from my parents for Christmas, even if my current one wasn't broken. They were just planning for the inevitable. May as well make it a gift since they were probably going to be buying another one soon anyway. If they didn't buy cheap crappy ones they probably wouldn't of broken so often.

One time my blowdryer broke on the first day of school. Probably junior year. On the one day of school when you really want to look your best, I ended up standing in front of the fan with semi-dry hair. Then I walked to the bus stop and it was wavy again anyway. Stupid August. I'd hate August completely if it wasn't for Ava's birthday.

At least I had a job so I could buy a new one, but I'm pretty sure I just gave my parents money to pick one up for me since we had no Walmart back then. And they bought a crappy one. Even when they were spending my money they were cheap. And it broke a couple of months later.

When I graduated and had my own car and money I finally bought a nice blowdryer. One that didn't overheat after 3 minutes. It was so nice. It set my personal record for blowdryer ownership. I had it for about seven years.

Then David bought me a stupid cordkeeper dryer because he didn't like the way I hung my dryer up on a hook in the bathroom. Old blowdryer still worked, but he thought I needed a new blowdryer. The old one was so offended that it broke one week later. Died of a broken heart (or heating element or something).

The blowdryer I own now is that same stupid cordkeeper. I got it when Alana was one. So I've had it for 2 1/2 years. And this morning it broke. My hair was halfway dry. So annoying. So half of my hair is smooth and full of volume (not the front half) and the other half is flat and half dry.

At least the tendency towards frizz went away with my teenage years. And flat irons are readily available to the public. Oh, how I love my flat iron. Its the greatest hair related invention ever.

So now I have to buy my one-millionth blow dryer of my 28 year life. They should give you a punch card like at Subway or something, so when you buy your one-millionth blow dryer you get it free. I should invent that.

Smile

First of all, she's not in pain and its not Thanksgiving. This is the face she makes when you get the camera out and tell her to smile. And what could make her as happy as eating cornbread with her dinner? Just knowing she's the cutest baby ever, even when she makes this frightening face.

One additional observation

Girls don't typically give you a booger out of their mouth when you ask for their bubble gum. Only boys.

Observations from today

Kids are really curious. They ask crazy questions like: "How do mommies make milk for babies?" "Do grandpa dogs and cats have boobies?" "How did they get your baby out and did they duct tape the hole closed after?" That last question would be easier to answer if I had c-sections, but I didn't.

Two three year olds can never agree on a movie to watch, especially if they're a boy and a girl. Someone will have to compromise and they won't be happy about it.

Ava is the most independent baby I've ever seen. She prefers to spend most of her time crawling around the house and finding toys to play with.

You know you need to mop your kitchen floor when your baby's white pajamas are light brown from crawling on it. Just call Ava a baby swiffer sweeper. I should attach a handle to her and push her around.

Once you start letting an independent baby feed herself finger foods she will not want you to feed her pureed foods as much. I learned that lesson with Alana and I'm relearning it with Ava.

If you tell a three year old not to squirt something with a squirt gun they will do it anyway. Especially if its a window you just cleaned.

Last but not least, if you let Alana have gum this is what you're gonna have to cut it out of her hair. And she will cry and scream ouch. And with all of the open windows your neighbors will  probably think you're beating your child. They don't know she's a major drama queen.

Exhibit A

Dragon feeding frenzy

Apparently dragons like to eat string cheese. Maybe they need the extra calcium to build strong bones and healthy teeth. The healthy teeth part is probably extra important when you're a dragon because of all of the fighting vikings and stealing their sheep. I wonder if they like yogurt and chocolate milk too.

***Side note: I did not pose these dragons. It was 100% Alana.

Eight months

My little Ava is already eight months old. How did this happen? I just had her yesterday!

She is such a joy to have in our lives and she made our whole family seem more complete.

She is an expert at her inchworm crawling technique, and can get anywhere she wants to go. Her favorite spot to crawl to is the baskets of toys in the corner. She likes to go to her basket of baby toys and pull it over, spilling her toys all over the floor and her face. Then she grabs what she wants and rolls away with it. If there's nothing in the living room she wants then she will crawl into the bedroom to find something.

She can sit for long periods of time, but hasn't quite mastered the transition from sitting to crawling. She can't get from sitting to crawling position and back without just falling over. Whenever I don't want her to move from a spot I just sit her down, cause I know she won't move from that spot without falling over.

She is starting to learn to feed herself finger foods. At dinner I feed her stage 3 baby foods in her highchair and give her pieces of finger foods to feed herself. She likes to chew on tortillas and baby cheetos, then I give her some fruit to gnaw on for her dessert.

She has one tooth, and its razor sharp so you better watch out. She'll bite you if you get too close.

She still sleeps in her swing during the day for all of her naps. She loves it and only complains for about five seconds when I put her down in it before she falls asleep.

When she wakes up from her nap she is a majorly excited wiggleworm when I go to pick her up. She waves her arms and legs all around like a wild woman and smiles at me.

She loves to smile and laugh and has even learned to "sing". She hums the tune to twinkle twinkle all day long. That song must be stuck in her head from hearing Alana sing it all the time. Then she dances to her own song by swaying back and forth, whether she's sitting up or laying on her belly.

She still has the longest eyelashes in the west. I dare you to find longer lashes on any man, woman or child. Its not possible.

She finds Alana to be hilarious. Anything Alana does can make Ava laugh. Even if no one else thinks its funny.

She is pretty and perfect and chubby and we all love her way too much.

Prepare to be amazed

That's right. Ava has perfected her sitting skills enough to sit up in the bathtub by herself. She is a professional. She thought it was really awesome when Alana wanted to get in with her. She splashed around and played with her turtle and laughed at Alana. Best bath ever.

Ava style crawling

Hand-me-down guess who

Just got out some of Alana's old clothes for Ava to wear. She had sooo many clothes when she was a baby its ridiculous. Some of them I still like and some of them I wonder what the heck I was thinking when I bought it.

Can you guess who's who? To me its obvious. Everyday Ava looks more and more different than Alana. She is her own cute little person. And she was fortunate enough to not get her daddy's forehead.

Weekend happenings

Awesome things that happened this weekend:
"Race" for the cure - we don't really "race", we just casually stroll
Eating at the Olive Garden Sunday - mmm...chocolate mousse cake and and stuffed mushrooms and too many breadsticks
Eating at Pizza Hut Saturday - mmm...pan pizza and hot wings
Going to a movie with David - even if it was crappy Clash of the Titans
Trying on everyone's glasses at Olive Garden - Can you say "coke bottle lenses"?
Ava falling asleep during mile 1 of the race for the cure
Cutting across the field and shaving half a mile off of our walk - and still finishing in record long time


Not as awesome things that happened this weekend:
I stepped in mystery cake during the race for the cure - it stuck to my shoe the whole time - Who throws cake on the ground during a race?
Alana hated the first pair of shoes we bought her - she said they were bugging her - she no longer likes shoes that go between her toes - I had to take them back and it was a huge pain to find her size
David "made" me eat at Burger King - yuck!
I spilled my drink at the movies - twice
Spilled fondue chocolate on my shirt - then coffee

Photo highlights:

Race for the cure

 Ava's weekend highlights

Alana's weekend highlights

David's weekend highlights

Jennifer's weekend highlights

My little Ava Jo

It would appear that Ava has the same seasonal allergies that Alana has. Around this time of year when the wind is high and so is the pollen count, they get some seriously watery eyes and a runny nose.

Even with these symptoms, Ava is as good natured as ever. She still crawls around and gets into stuff. She still dances and smiles and brightens our lives. So I thought I'd update everyone on what she's been up to lately.

Crawling. She has perfected her army crawl. She digs her toes into the floor and pulls herself along with her arms and gets to her destination of choice. She is pretty fast when she sees something she wants. No more leaving my water cup on the floor. She likes to crawl over to the toy basket and knock it over, then play with all of her toys.

Dancing. She really moves to the music. She sways back and forth when anyone sings. Alana will sing Twinkle Twinkle and Ava will sit on the floor and sway back and forth. Even if she's on her belly laying down, she still sways back and forth.

Professional sitting. She can sit without danger of tipping. I even feel confident enough to leave her sitting on the floor without sitting behind her. If I don't want her to move I sit her on the floor, because she hasn't quite mastered the sitting-to-crawling-to-sitting again transition. She just falls over if she wants to crawl away.

Finger foods. I've given her a few teething cookies, which she loved. And we gave her some baby cheetos, and yogurt puffs, which she really likes.

Cuteness. This is her main skill. She can always look sweet and innocent. She is a little charmer with her tooth stub and long eyelashes.

Holidays. She had her first Easter. So she's almost out of first holidays. All that's left is Memorial Day and 4th of July. I don't think they make a "Baby's First Memorial Day" bib. I should invent one.

She is my favorite Paco so far. The cutest sweetest most lovable lady I've made so far.

Why my marriage works

Yesterday David called Ava a booger face. Then we both started singing the same song at the same time. Our new and improved version of Poker Face by Lady Gaga. Booger face. Coincedence? I think not.

Our minds work exactly the same way. That's why our relationship works. I may be dorky, but he is too. Who else is going to make up lame songs about Ava's boogers? Nobody.

Beefs

Today I am grouchy. Ava is sick/has seasonal allergies. She has a runny nose and watery eyes. Alana gets the same thing. No big deal.

But I am still grouchy. I have issues with things that I need to get off of my chest.

First of all, movie previews. I typically don't have a beef with movie previews. But when you decide to name your movie "Kick-Ass", I have a problem. Not that I have never in my life used foul language or I have that serious of a problem when other people use it. But when you play a movie trailer during kids shows for a movie called Kick-Ass, we have a problem. Because now my three year old is saying "Me want to see that Kick-Ass movie". Thanks for that movie preview.

I also have a beef with allegedly healthy food. Buying salt that has no "chemicals" to be healthier is pointless if you eat spam. "Diet" soda is not for people on a diet. Why bother with light mayo? Just don't eat mayo. It doesn't pretend to be healthy because its not. Frosted flakes are never healthy, even if they are reduced sugar. I didn't say they aren't delicious, I just said they're not healthy.

David stayed home sick from work yesterday. When he is home on a weekday he insists we watch Maury Povich. He says its funny. I hate that show so much. It makes Americans look stupider than we really are. Its a vicious cycle. The men don't trust that they are the fathers of the skanky ladies babies. So they go on the show. And the ones who do believe they are the fathers of the babies are on the show to be told they might not be. And then the skanky ladies wonder why no one believes the father is who they say it is. When you're on your sixth candidate for possible paternity nobody is going to believe you. Where do they find these people?

My last and biggest beef is with self-proclaimed doctors. If you are not a medical professional do not give me medical advice. You do not get a cold from putting the mop outside in the cold when you have wet hair. You get a cold from germs. Jello water (jello made to not set up right) is NOT medicine. It is sugar water with gelatin and artificial flavoring. It does not cure the following: fever, cold, runny nose, cough or dehydration. Do not give it to my kid. If they are dehydrated give them pedialyte or whatever the actual doctor says to give them.

Ninja turtle expert

I just won the eternal debate: Which ninja turtles movie are we watching, 1 or 2?

David said one, I said two. He just admitted that I am probably right.

The first movie had a different, uglier April and more Casey Jones. And my nephew Colby once said (while watching the second one) "That not the real April!" Also a large portion of the first movie took place somewhere besides NY. In a house somewhere. When he turned it to the current movie they were looking for a new home in the sewer. Why would they need a new home if it were the first movie?

The second movie has Vanilla Ice and other mutants. The first one does not.

I'm familiar with all of the characters: Donatello does machines, Leonardo leads, Raphael is cool but rude, Michaelangelo is a party dude. Then Splinter is their rat mutant leader who raised them and tought them karate. April is their red haired reporter friend. Casey Jones is another vigilante crime fighter dude who wears a hockey mask to disguise his identity. Shredder is their enemy who once trained with Splinter and "famously" said "Hamoto Yoshi lives!" Bebop and Rocksteady are a rhino and warthog who Shredder mutated with teenagers to be his mutant badguy thugs. The Footclan are identity-less soldiers who work for Shredder. Irma is April's friend who at one point gets mutated into a fly.

I'd like to thank my brother Josh for watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for countless hours during his childhood. That made me a ninja turtle expert.

Sleepy ladies

Alana before bed, "But Mommieeee, me don't want to sleep by Ava."

This was ten minutes later. She doesn't look like she minds sleeping near Ava.

Viva la revolution

My name is Ava and I'm here to start a rebellion. What am I rebelling against? Shoes!

I hate shoes! What is the point of me wearing shoes when I don't even know how to walk? Why does my mommy care how cute my feet look? Why does she want to "get her moneys worth" out of the pink flats she bought to go on vacation?

The answer to these questions is simple. Mommys are mean. They seek to torture us innocent babies by confining our cute chubby feet in medieval torture devices. Shoes are nothing more than uncomfortable contraptions that make our feet sweaty and stinky.

I put up with the incessant headbands always falling in my eyes, but shoes cross the line.

So I say no shoes! I will do my part by curling my toes and refusing to wear shoes of any kind. I will kick and squirm and struggle till my mommy gives up. If she does succeed in getting one on my foot I will then rub my feet together to free myself so she has to start all over again. This plan will work, my mommy gives up easily. Ha ha ha. (That's my evil laugh).

So you have to do your part to prevent shoe torture in other babies. Remove them from store shelves to stop the problem at its source. Keep them from entering our homes. Sign my petition to end this horrible problem plaguing babies.

This problem isn't just a local one, its gone global. Babies worldwide are being forced to wear shoes when we can't even walk. Its time to stop it before it effects you too.

Easter happenings

Here's a list of important and fun things we did on Easter this year.

It was Ava's first Easter. The Easter bunny brought her a few new toys. We (Jeremy) noticed the appearance of her first tooth. She took 3 naps, including one that lasted through dinner. She tried ham baby food, she was unimpressed. She looked so pretty in her yellow polka dots and flower headband. She ate a handful of grass when I was trying to take her picture. She didn't complain when I kept trying to put bunny ears on her. She swung outside at Grandpa's and thought it was the best thing ever. She got her way and didn't have to wear shoes, step two of her anti-shoe rebellion. She was the cutest Easter baby ever.

Alana got a basket full of toys and candy from the Easter bunny. She demonstrated amazing willpower by not eating the candy until the afternoon (I couldn't of done it). She had her third annual solo Easter egg hunt, next year Ava will help so this was her last solo one. She found all of the eggs, with help from all of the adults standing on the porch telling her where they were. She played on the swingset and made her first trip to the top of Fort Sherman (way too high). She ate some ham but skipped dessert. She sang an amazing rendition of twinkle twinkle and accompanied herself with the piano. She had a terrible case of plumbers crack all day with her skirt showing off her heart panties. She insisted on playing with the plastic eggs and I couldn't say no cause she said "but Mommy, its Easter time." She choose to eat Kix for breakfast instead of my homemade waffles (traitor child). She successfully completed her fourth Easter.

David wore his Yankees jersey and hat since they were playing in the afternoon. He ate my homemade waffles for breakfast (at least someone appreciates my cooking). He watched Batman until the last minute when it was time to leave, because it was the best part and he HAD to watch it. He ate ham (his favorite thing, which he passed down to Alana). He complimented all of my cooking, especially the deviled eggs. He watched basketball at my dad's house, since watching sports is his holiday tradition. He supervised the egg hiding, since he knew we are way more awesome at it than him.

I got up early with my Ava and made waffles and strawberry sauce. I gave the ladies their baskets as soon as Alana got up with her sleepy eyes. I got myself and two ladies dressed and looking nice. I only ate two cupcakes and stayed away from Alana's candy. I made 64 deviled eggs for 7 adults. We didn't eat them all. I hid eggs in the front yard with Melissa. We are so awesome at it that we should do it professionally. I played outside with my ladies while Alana put wooden blocks down the slide and scared the heck out of me on the too tall fort, and Ava got pushed in the swing. I had a good Easter.

Easter Pics 2010